Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: No Resolvedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 163
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 677
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1106



    Description:
       ahhhh....this is nothing---and yes I suppose it is a song but I posted it as poetry.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNo Resolvedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Just one time
    why don’t you act for yourself
    And think about you
    and no-one else
    You don’t need to
    You don’t have to
    Just let me help

    Our days were filled
    with happy ending tragedy’s
    There was no place else
    I would rather be
    Every day longer than
    the one before
    The one before……… today
    I wish I had more

    Now you’re gone
    and you left me here
    I suppose I'll carry on
    But why did you have to?
    I thought that I mattered too.
    I guess sometimes less than bros
    All our hopes
    All our woes
    things that nobody knows
    You know that I know You know
    Why did you have to go?

    I’ll never forget
    The time that we spent
    venting talking
    lamenting of yesterdays has beens
    tomorrows throw- ins
    and all the in-betweens
    And how you’d always be there for me
    No matter what
    No matter what
    Now what?
    What about me?

    lamemansterms




    Submitted on 2005-11-30 05:07:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The first stanza completely set the tone for me to consider this a song/poem about alcohol or a drug ("think about you and noone else... i can help"), but it rapidly disassociated with that and just became a really solid piece that had so much loss in it, but without the whiny bitterness that typically is found in such things. (Especially when I write about it).

    The subject was of some interest, but what really sets this apart, in my mind, is the sing-songy, hypnotic series of beats, measures, and rhyming scheme. It is just fantastic, it makes it so fun to read that it could be words out of the phone book and be just as fun. Great write!
    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really quite good and would make a touching song. It makes a touching poem too! This one speaks of friendship really well. It is so hard to find someone that you really connect with. Someone who will stand by your side and be there when you need them. Not talking behind your back when you're not there, but instead defending you in your absence. These people are hard to come across so when you find one, it is devestating to lose them, for whatever reason. We can say we have lots of friends, but when it comes to push and shove, there are a select few that are really worth much. Whether they move, or even die, losing them for whatever reason is really difficult and they are not replacable. Your words speak of a longing, and a confused sadness which is really very good. You get your feelings into the mind of the reader with this. Really nice work. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Not too shabby, mate, I already had a coupla choices for a melody line.
    The old story, sure, but you did ok with it, i'd like to here what you wrap it around

    Neat job

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Damn it, Lt, get out of my head! lol
    For me, this hits major home turf. I recently walked away from a friendship I'd had for 8yrs because they could no longer think for themselves and became a complete bytch. Now walking away isn't the problem. It's remember how they were before. I really really liked this. I'm so glad to see you posting again.
    Traci :)
    | Posted on 2005-12-07 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't personally see how this could be considered a song, but I still like it in the way that it is. I know that feeling "what about me?" Sometimes people just get all caught up in their own lives they just don't care anymore. Again, this is something that I really needed to read right now. Just on a personal note...I'm here if you need to talk...anytime...you know my msn is like always connected.
    Jess
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by shmuzzelle | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't personally see how this could be considered a song, but I still like it in the way that it is. I know that feeling "what about me?" Sometimes people just get all caught up in their own lives they just don't care anymore. Again, this is something that I really needed to read right now. Just on a personal note...I'm here if you need to talk...anytime...you know my msn is like always connected.
    Jess
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by shmuzzelle | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this song, I would love to hear it sung, I am sure it would be even better.
    I loved the emotions building up in here, being alone.
    Why?-
    the question was of course better put, but the always wondering why you?

    'I’ll never forget
    The time that we spent
    Spending talking
    of yesterdays has beens
    tomorrows throw- ins
    and all the in-betweens
    And how you’d always be next to me
    No matter what
    No matter what
    Now what?
    What about me?'

    that was my favorite part, it really tied it all together.
    Sad thoughts, remembering yesterdays & the promises made.
    What about me?
    What happened?
    very thoughtful questions-
    I enjoyed reading this very much,
    you did a great job
    take care
    ~jennifer



    | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      Give me a minute, I need to pick my jaw up off the floor.

    You need to always write music, Mr. Man.

    I am, literally, speechless.

    Our days were filled
    with happy ending tragedy’s
    There was no place else
    I would rather be.


    This life isn't perfect, but it's where I want to be.

    I thought that I mattered too.

    Why am i here and you're not?

    Now what?
    What about me?


    Lost, alone, afraid. Perfectly written. Horribly sad.

    It's nice to read one of your songs.

    Chell
    | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    82846

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry