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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Such is Lifedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 868
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 958



    Description:
       I have no idea, but yeah something to live by.....someone....somewhere someday maybe


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSuch is Lifedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Such Is Life

    bouquets of sinful fragrances
    come as does my hay fever
    but I can’t wait for them
    steps away are the dreams
    I’ve been chasing
    so far,
    so close
    –passes by
    but none of me
    is racing
    yet
    my
    strides
    are
    smaller
    than yesterdays
    but I haven’t tired
    victory hasn’t been given
    nor has it been taken
    and friends……
    people tend to over-rate them
    go with your heart
    and try to come closer
    to what (mostly) sets you apart
    stick to your guns
    and your dreams
    you’ll never be far away from
    if you’re wrong
    you can’t be right
    such is life…
    something to live by

    lamemansterms




    Submitted on 2005-11-30 14:38:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Pretty neat again, Mike, it hooks you with the first line, and then you stay because you want to know if it will have a happy ending...which it don't.

    Some good bits in here, I got the lyrical flow, and I loved the "friends are over-rated' yeah, anything we don't have is...

    very well done, liked this heaps

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Did you get lost in the "muse" world here? I can tell that you were in a zone when you wrote this one! LOL

    I like it though. You know me...always supportive and understanding! LOL

    You gave this a sense of strength. I don't think that something like this should have came from any one other then you.

    Much love,

    Li
    | Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      Something to live by... (Look! I'm not in the top 3!)

    I found the thoughts expressed in this honest but tinged with a bit of pessimism.

    I think that the flow in this piece could be improved some with a bit of punctuation. I found myself reading parts twice to make sure I had the right understanding. The first three lines seem, to me, to be a bit distracting. Maybe it's just me, but I would have started this piece with "Steps away are the dreams". Just my opinion.

    I'd really like to hear this put to music, it has a lyrical feel to the whole piece.

    Nice to have another to enjoy and comment on!

    Chell
    | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      My first reaction on this one is incredible sadness. I can be a loner myself, but there's a hint of failure here.

    "my
    strides
    are smaller than yesterdays"
    is a great line.

    The saddest part:
    "and friends……
    people tend to over-rate them
    go with your heart
    and try to come closer
    to what mostly sets you apart"

    This sounds a like a very lonely person. (Hopefully not you)

    Great poem,
    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey,
    As has been mentioned, it feels like a song, one I would probably listen to while riding the bus whilst staring out the window...Not that, that's a bad thing. I also especially liked, 'my strides are smaller than yesterdays.'
    But the things I would say, could be tightened up on were the punctuation and structure. I think your 3rd line, definately needs something at the end of it, a comma or full stop. Otherwise, it seems to muddle up your imagery. Again with, 'but I haven't tried,' it needs something. Not to sound anal but I just like things to read well grammatically. Also, not to over-crit but I think you get a bit too soppy in the 2nd half of the poem, I mean be happy and end on your last thought but I think before that, you could say what you wanna say in ways that express more deeply what you mean, rather than gliding over them. For example: "go with your heart, burrow deeper into your parts which are a part, set apart, you." But that's just a suggestion. I do like this piece. Good work. Thanks.

    JoKing.
    | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by JoKing | [ Reply to This ]
      Not to be simplistic, but I really like this as your suggested "something to live by". It has a very honest and well thought out feel to it, bearing a certain philosophy that generations continue to strive for. To confess, it could almost be my life story, if I were a better man.

    My favorite part is:
    "go with your heart
    and try to come closer
    to what mostly sets you apart
    stick to your guns
    and your dreams
    you&#8217;ll never be far away from"

    Simple, but very true.
    Sometimes, the road gets bumpy. As you also note, a true friend is indeed a rare and precious thing. Thanks
    | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      First of all , your name is a neat play on words. :)
    There seems to be an interior rhyming like a song. I hear this as a song. Probably along the lines of alternative rock.I especially liked " my strides are smaller than yesterdays,but I haven't tired, victory hasn't been given nor has it been taken." In the midst of the anguish you show a fighting spirit and I get the feeling that the entire message of this is a rallying cry for "hanging in there"...something we all need to hear, so good for you ! :)
    | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by BLee | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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