Description: I have no idea, but yeah something to live by.....someone....somewhere someday maybe
Such is Life -------------------------------------------
Such Is Life
bouquets of sinful fragrances
come as does my hay fever
but I can’t wait for them
steps away are the dreams
I’ve been chasing
but none of me
but I haven’t tired
victory hasn’t been given
nor has it been taken
people tend to over-rate them
go with your heart
and try to come closer
to what (mostly) sets you apart
stick to your guns
and your dreams
you’ll never be far away from
if you’re wrong
you can’t be right
such is life…
something to live by
Something to live by... (Look! I'm not in the top 3!)
I found the thoughts expressed in this honest but tinged with a bit of pessimism.
I think that the flow in this piece could be improved some with a bit of punctuation. I found myself reading parts twice to make sure I had the right understanding. The first three lines seem, to me, to be a bit distracting. Maybe it's just me, but I would have started this piece with "Steps away are the dreams". Just my opinion.
I'd really like to hear this put to music, it has a lyrical feel to the whole piece.
Hey, As has been mentioned, it feels like a song, one I would probably listen to while riding the bus whilst staring out the window...Not that, that's a bad thing. I also especially liked, 'my strides are smaller than yesterdays.' But the things I would say, could be tightened up on were the punctuation and structure. I think your 3rd line, definately needs something at the end of it, a comma or full stop. Otherwise, it seems to muddle up your imagery. Again with, 'but I haven't tried,' it needs something. Not to sound anal but I just like things to read well grammatically. Also, not to over-crit but I think you get a bit too soppy in the 2nd half of the poem, I mean be happy and end on your last thought but I think before that, you could say what you wanna say in ways that express more deeply what you mean, rather than gliding over them. For example: "go with your heart, burrow deeper into your parts which are a part, set apart, you." But that's just a suggestion. I do like this piece. Good work. Thanks.
Not to be simplistic, but I really like this as your suggested "something to live by". It has a very honest and well thought out feel to it, bearing a certain philosophy that generations continue to strive for. To confess, it could almost be my life story, if I were a better man.
My favorite part is: "go with your heart and try to come closer to what mostly sets you apart stick to your guns and your dreams you’ll never be far away from"
Simple, but very true. Sometimes, the road gets bumpy. As you also note, a true friend is indeed a rare and precious thing. Thanks
First of all , your name is a neat play on words. :) There seems to be an interior rhyming like a song. I hear this as a song. Probably along the lines of alternative rock.I especially liked " my strides are smaller than yesterdays,but I haven't tired, victory hasn't been given nor has it been taken." In the midst of the anguish you show a fighting spirit and I get the feeling that the entire message of this is a rallying cry for "hanging in there"...something we all need to hear, so good for you ! :)