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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Red Raindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lucianraven
    ASL Info:    21/M/Spfld Il
    Elite Ratio:    3.46 - 49/67/19
    Words: 78
    Class/Type: Poetry/Cutting or Mutilation
    Total Views: 973
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 541



    Description:
       ugh... feel like $h!T with a capitol s...... ugh. Isuppose my arms right now are the impetus behind this work, anyway, i feel better now, but that won't last, so i'm writing this... to explain... everything


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRed Raindots
    -------------------------------------------


    Cut cut,
    slash slash
    I make another,
    another gash,
    I cut
    And i stab,
    I scrape
    And i jab,
    Blood comes out
    Like a bright red rain,
    But it does little
    To ease my pain
    And try as i might
    It just won't stay
    So this is what
    I have to say
    Since it seems the pain
    Is at it's height
    When everyone thinks
    That I'm allright
    I'll drown my pain
    In a bright,
    Red,
    Rain....




    Submitted on 2005-11-30 16:31:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well this is what i liked:
    "Cut cut,
    slash slash
    I make another,
    another gash,
    I cut
    And i stab,
    I scrape
    And i jab,
    Blood comes out
    Like a bright red rain,
    But it does little
    To ease my pain"
    This could be the whole poem i think. well keep writting.
    I think that that is the best part...the ending is a tad weak and takes away from it.
    xoxoxox,
    Reeses
    P.S. please check out some of my poetry. thx byebye for now
    | Posted on 2005-12-21 00:00:00 | by Numb | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, that was great...I like the flow, and the ryhming. I totally understand the point, because I can relate. I would like to add it to my favorite list ...good work

    <3 Nichole
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by fallenpopcorn10 | [ Reply to This ]
      Oo slightly graphic. It might just be me, but that was some powerful imagery. I love it. The flow and rhyming are awesome too. Ive only read a couple things from you, but I think this might be my favorite. And just like the rest of them, I can relate to this as well. We're so similar. Hey... maybe we're related. Okay, I'm just kidding. (Im in a weird mood. I took a bit too much medication today.) But anyways, yeah... I like this a lot. As always dear, Excellent job

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      I dont really like the beginning but its ok the rest of it was good the flow was good everything else...and when u cut Ian the blood shouldnt be bright red...its usually dark...
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by RainbowGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very moving write. I can understand why you cut yourself..i do too... its the worst of habits, and i must warn you...it only takes away the pain for so long, then you become numb to the pain and you must do more for the same effect...then sooner or later you will go too far just to be free and visit a place in which you can not turn back. I know how hard it is to try to stop. I cut twice a day, sometimes more. I've only just started to stop because my boyfriend doesn't like it and he does it as well. so we have decided to try to stop tegether..so far so good. there are times when i want to soo bad that i feel that i am going insane. i hope you find a reason to stop soon. And the Quote by wildchild is one of my favorits. It is how i feel everyday. Just thought to give you a little hope and info, about why you should stop to cut..but who am i to say anything..3years twice aday...i have too many scares to have room to talk... I really did enjoyed reading this very much.

    Akai_Ame^_^
    | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by Akai_Ame | [ Reply to This ]
      Wonderful peice, I can relate easily. Me being an almost ex-cutter (it is so hard to quit) I can feel you on this. I loved the "red rain" idea, it was a new twist on a common subject, cutting. The description was also very good in the beginning there, not too graphic, but it gives the reader a image that rightfully represents this peice. The flow was wonderful also, wasn't disrupted once I dont think.

    Good luck with your pain, I know how it is...but cutting really only makes it worse, I probaly don't have the right to say that right now, but I do know it's true. It also become an addiction, but I'm sure you know all this...I wont mother you.

    If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm around.

    -Miss M.
    | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by fightingirl19 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a really a nice poem... gets to the point without dragging it out.
    i hope you dont' really cut... if you do... i guess you should stop
    cuz the longer you go the harder it is to stop. it just gets addicting. not that i cut... but my sister used to. she had cuts going up her arms and across her chest down to her stomach... and she's REALLY thin... so i was afraid she would eventually cut too deep.
    she tried to stop several times, but kept going back and cutting again, even if there was nothing wrong. i think she's stopped now... haven't seen any new cuts.
    cutting won't get rid of your problems... you should prbly face them. lol now i'm a hypocrite... i don't face my problems..
    try to find help for you.. find a friend to talk to or just someone you trust. becuz cutting gets bad... it could lead to worse things. i know someone who used battery acid instead of a knife... i wrote about it in my poem Dropping Acid.. yup.
    so remember you are loved!
    (((hug)))
    | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by LoneWolf | [ Reply to This ]
      This I must say had a great flow to it. You also did a great job on how you set up your words...

    I do not understand the idea of cutting to deal with problems so I lack in the ability to comment any further.

    Monica
    | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by mon28 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a nice piece, in so few words you can paint such a broad spectrum of what's going on. i heard this quote once, i'm going to share it with you... not sure why, but hey, i'm odd:

    "I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in, but you can't. How you hurt youself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside..."

    isn't that the best? your piece reminded me of it. thank you for sharing your work with the rest of us.

    -jess
    | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]


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