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Cut cut, slash slash I make another, another gash, I cut And i stab, I scrape And i jab, Blood comes out Like a bright red rain, But it does little To ease my pain And try as i might It just won't stay So this is what I have to say Since it seems the pain Is at it's height When everyone thinks That I'm allright I'll drown my pain In a bright, Red, Rain.... |
Well this is what i liked: "Cut cut, slash slash I make another, another gash, I cut And i stab, I scrape And i jab, Blood comes out Like a bright red rain, But it does little To ease my pain" This could be the whole poem i think. well keep writting. I think that that is the best part...the ending is a tad weak and takes away from it. xoxoxox, Reeses P.S. please check out some of my poetry. thx byebye for now | Posted on 2005-12-21 00:00:00 | by Numb | [ Reply to This ] | Wow, that was great...I like the flow, and the ryhming. I totally understand the point, because I can relate. I would like to add it to my favorite list | ![]() <3 Nichole | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by fallenpopcorn10 | [ Reply to This ] | Oo slightly graphic. It might just be me, but that was some powerful imagery. I love it. The flow and rhyming are awesome too. Ive only read a couple things from you, but I think this might be my favorite. And just like the rest of them, I can relate to this as well. We're so similar. Hey... maybe we're related. | ![]() ![]() -nikkki | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ] | I dont really like the beginning but its ok the rest of it was good the flow was good everything else...and when u cut Ian the blood shouldnt be bright red...its usually dark... | | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by RainbowGirl | [ Reply to This ] | This is a very moving write. I can understand why you cut yourself..i do too... | ![]() Akai_Ame^_^ | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by Akai_Ame | [ Reply to This ] | Wonderful peice, I can relate easily. Me being an almost ex-cutter (it is so hard to quit) I can feel you on this. I loved the "red rain" idea, it was a new twist on a common subject, cutting. The description was also very good in the beginning there, not too graphic, but it gives the reader a image that rightfully represents this peice. The flow was wonderful also, wasn't disrupted once I dont think. | Good luck with your pain, I know how it is...but cutting really only makes it worse, I probaly don't have the right to say that right now, but I do know it's true. It also become an addiction, but I'm sure you know all this...I wont mother you. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm around. -Miss M. | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by fightingirl19 | [ Reply to This ] | this is a really a nice poem... gets to the point without dragging it out. | i hope you dont' really cut... if you do... i guess you should stop cuz the longer you go the harder it is to stop. it just gets addicting. not that i cut... but my sister used to. she had cuts going up her arms and across her chest down to her stomach... and she's REALLY thin... so i was afraid she would eventually cut too deep. she tried to stop several times, but kept going back and cutting again, even if there was nothing wrong. i think she's stopped now... haven't seen any new cuts. cutting won't get rid of your problems... you should prbly face them. lol now i'm a hypocrite... i don't face my problems.. try to find help for you.. find a friend to talk to or just someone you trust. becuz cutting gets bad... it could lead to worse things. i know someone who used battery acid instead of a knife... i wrote about it in my poem Dropping Acid.. yup. so remember you are loved! (((hug))) | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by LoneWolf | [ Reply to This ] | This I must say had a great flow to it. You also did a great job on how you set up your words... | I do not understand the idea of cutting to deal with problems so I lack in the ability to comment any further. Monica | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by mon28 | [ Reply to This ] | this is a nice piece, in so few words you can paint such a broad spectrum of what's going on. i heard this quote once, i'm going to share it with you... not sure why, but hey, i'm odd: | "I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in, but you can't. How you hurt youself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside..." isn't that the best? your piece reminded me of it. thank you for sharing your work with the rest of us. -jess | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ] | |