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    dots Submission Name: You and Idots

    Author: Phoenix2004
    ASL Info:    17/Female/MA
    Elite Ratio:    5.69 - 695/470/103
    Words: 265
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 854
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 4429

       This is my happy ((grin)). May not be the best as far as diction and imagery, but it is from the heart, and to me, that is all that matters. Love, despite any problems that may arise in the relationship, if it is true, cannot die if both hearts, both souls are committed to its truth...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou and Idots

    You kissed me
                                                    So soft that it made me want to cry.

    You held me
                                                    Your warm embrace I just couldn't deny.

    You promised me
                                                    You would never let go of something so good.

    You loved me
                                                    In a way I never thought anyone could.

    I gave you
                                                    My heart with a promise of forever.

    I told you
                                                    No matter what, we would always be together.

    I trusted you
                                                    To protect my soul's fragility.

    I loved you
                                                    To the absolute best of my ability.

    You and I
                                                    Share a bond no one could ever replace.

    You and I
                                                    Have a passion that time could never erase.

    You and I
                                                    Are no longer two, but now one.

    You and I
                                                    Are joined until the dying of the sun.

    Submitted on 2005-11-30 18:36:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      ‘So soft that it made me want to cry.’ I am in danger of shedding a tear every time I read that. Very powerful and original!

    I like the format, really different. Really helps the flow and makes the statements more powerful. I can certainly see why this is your featured work!

    Great stuff I look forward to reading more.
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by PaulHudson | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this one. It was different from everything i have read today. It portrayed the good side of love. The unity of two lovers. Good write. My compliments to the chef.

    Saint Kairo
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by Saint | [ Reply to This ]
      Awww...how peaceful is that?! It had such harmony...and I liked that. The lines to the right...I would have probably centered them...that way the lines didn't break up that way.

    Other then that...this was wonderful. Love is in the air.

    Much love,

    | Posted on 2005-12-07 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem's setup was a little strange, but I still got the message. It made me feel as if you truly love someone, and they love you also. I pretty much like this poem, but i would suggest changing the bold part and setting it up in a regular way. Also please comment on my works please.
    | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by buffaloman | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a beautiful write. you really should love and compassion. the only thing that i could find wrong was that it was a little to short. i found myself wanting to hear more about this relationship. but it was very original and i liked it.
    | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by Leon Kennedy | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a beautiful write
    You really opened up your heart to write this one
    I feel the emotion you got out with this one
    It is really beautiful

    To me you are speaking of Positive Energy and how it brought two people together Igniting a spark
    And then bringing them together as one
    Fantastic write
    Take Care
    | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      awwwwww...how sweet tayla girl! i especially liked the line:

    To the absolute best of my ability

    that is in essence ALL one can truely do, ya know??? i also loved the layout of this...your happiness is definitely inspiring your creative side...i couldnt be more happy for you!

    love ya sis

    | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
      this was well done-
    I really liked the form. I also enjoyed the feeling that you poured into it. The passion was so evident.
    Love is a beautiful thing, even if you you do fight, when you make up it makes it all the more beautiful.

    It made me smile to read this, knowing that you felt it. It is nice to see love bloom.

    Your rhyme was very well done, not too evident. Just enough to make it flow.
    Keep up the wonderful work, I could see you put your heart into this.
    take care
    | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this. it shows alot of emotion, and its all love. i love it. it speaks to me and gives me feelings that i didn't think i was capable of feeling ever again. its like you were just sharing your emotions with me and the word flow just impressed me. but i think that you could have chosen a few more descriptive words other than love. you could use words like "compassion, trust, passion". ya know, the real good stuff that really makes people feel good. good job.

    | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by insphered soul | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed this piece. It was real. straight forward. Loved the way it was structured which gave it more of an impact, I think anyother formate wouldn't have worked, nice job... loved how you phrased last the four lines = "you and I"
    | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by childs | [ Reply to This ]

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