Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

If He Could

Author: loveispain
ASL Info:    23/f/ME
Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 283 /198 /51
Words: 172
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1260
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1107


Well, my baby left me today. I'll see him in 7 months. Goodbyes are the hardest...and it's so hard not to be angry...I'd never be angry at him...just the situation. I know he'd be here if he could.

If He Could

Hold me forever,
And it still wouldn't be long enough.
Kiss my lips for the thousandth time,
And hear me beg for more.
Wrap your hand in mine,
And never let me go.

I know you'd hold me,
Until your arms were weak.
And press your lips to mine,
Like it was the first time, every time.
And I know you'd give your life,
To never release my hand.

I'd never blame for you,
For not being here.
For saying goodbye.
For leaving.
You are my love and my life,
My soul and my heart.
I know you'd be here,
If you could.

The sting of goodbye,
Still fresh in my heart,
The verge of a breakdown,
Not far from my mind,
I sit here alone,
Wanting and needing my one, my only, my love.

Hold me forever,
And it still wouldn't be long enough.
Kiss my lips for the thousandth time,
And hear me beg for more.
Wrap your hand in mine,
And never let me go.

Submitted on 2005-11-30 18:37:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Emotion. I love emotion. Thank you much for writing this. I loved it. I, myself, would change some things, but then again, I like the idea of socialism, so never give me the hard copy of your poem. I think the repetition of some of the lines would emphasize a few of the ideas. Another thing, I didn't really understand why the narrator didn't really feel all that pained by the loss of her one true love, or so it seemed. A little more pain would increase the focus of the poem. Good writing.
Wishing for more
| Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very sweet and sad poem. You really capture the emotion and feelings of being separated from the one you love quite well and I guess that is because this is real for you. It must be so hard to live this way, I am gathering that he is in the military? How hard it must be to be apart for so long and the days must go by like years. This poem is very well written and really does a wonderful job at expressing this feeling of longing. Really good write. take care.

| Posted on 2006-01-04 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  beautiful! i cryed! this just captures everyfeeling i have for my bf. i love when u said "the sting of goodbye" that was perfectly put! i love the way you said that. "until your arms were weak" was such a touching line! this poem is just amazing!
| Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by badfish | [ Reply to This ]
  This goes along with your ES name. Love is pain.. yet the pain will be worth it when you get to hold love in your arms again.
A very touching read. Goodbyes are never easy.. but the "hello's" from being away from each other for so long can be very rewarding. Keep that in mind.
You did a wonderful job here in expressing your longing (and love) for him.
Take care,
| Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
  This was really touching. It almost had me crying because my boyfriend is in the army and will be leaving soon for ten weeks, then wants to go active in which case he will be gone off and on for 3 years... I am having a really hard time dealing with this and your poem really hit on that factor making me love it greatly. Goodbyes are always hard. even if they are for a short time. We just have to hold on the the hope of them returning soon. So you can once again hold them, and kiss them. I will most def'n add this to my favorits, and if it isn't voted yet, i will give it a 5. It truely deserves it. And i hope everything works out well for you. If you ever want to talk, or anything like that, let me know. Maybe we can help eachother make it through them being gone with out going insane. lol

Akai_Ame :)
| Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by Akai_Ame | [ Reply to This ]
  I get the same feeling of possible military affiliation, sry i dont mean to pry. anyway, it was very powerful, the emotions were almost palpable, im looking forward to reading more of your writing now! I think it was a sad poem, but an excellant one, like mikki said, goodbyes aren't forever, cheer up?
much luck
| Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by lucianraven | [ Reply to This ]
  I really enjoyed this. If you don't mind me asking is he in the military...becuase in your description that seems like the situation. I could feel your pain in this. Very emotional. But don't forget goodbyes aren't forever. I really enjoyed the first part of this the most. It had a nice flow to it. Stay strong my dear. I hope all goes well.

| Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by MiKkI25 | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?