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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Close the distancedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mon28
    ASL Info:    29 /F /Montana
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 176/59/14
    Words: 266
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1294
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1642



    Description:
       We only seem to get so far! We flirt till I go crazy and then his job is done. The next job is waiting and the delivery man is off. Off to his next stop, off to his own thoughts. I am left wondering how to change things. I fear the loss of this banter so much that I keep my forward words to myself. And there we still are..... a year and a half later..... nowhere!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsClose the distancedots
    -------------------------------------------


    You stole my breath away
    Like you do most any day
    My heart raced
    My palms were drenched
    I find it hard to walk away
    Putting any sort of distance between us
    Your scent, touch, and smile
    Oh, they only hold for a while
    When you are hours away
    I would do anything
    If you would just stay

    Work calls so you have to go
    No matter what the weather
    Miles are placed between us
    Memories of our last encounter
    Have to hold me over
    Keep me from going crazy
    Something to look forward to
    Count the days, then the hours
    Until you appear in town once more
    To continue the friendly banter
    Now its my turn, to even the score

    I understand that you feel somewhat the same
    Something like that came from a pal
    You feel a bit afraid
    Not sure if you want to go there
    You close the distance gap with your
    Playful hugs, and chasing games
    Your pal says, once you were burned
    It was a long while ago
    And if anything, you have learned
    To keep you heart at bay
    And yet, you sometimes choose to close the distance

    If I had my way, I want you to understand
    My hand would be in yours
    We would not look away
    You would leave your fears behind
    Our bodies would be near
    Words that had not come before
    Would be shared from both sides
    Knowing the things that matter most
    You and I would be together
    And together we both would
    Close the distance, forever




    Submitted on 2005-11-30 18:40:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this was some "good s h i t"! i could relate i feel like that guy sometimes. and it captured feelings a person in my shoes would go through really well and also gave me a perspective on the girl's point of view thingy. it was really well written.
    | Posted on 2005-12-07 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      The sincerity and candor here are conspicuous, and the voice is obviously your own, given the similarity with the verbiage used in the description. However, I canít really say that this work demonstrates skill as a poet. It shows very little word skill, and is more like sharing Ė and as such, it comes across well. Your sentiments are touching. Though the distance between two can never be closed forever, I do hope that for a few exalted hours, it will be for you and your beloved, and never open very far thereafter.
    fred
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
      I know how you feel, and i understand loveispain's feelings as well. My boyfriend isn't a delivery man, nor a marine, but he is in the army. Having him there once in a while is hard. I think it is harder then never having him there. It teases me to know that i have him, but only for such a short time. and that time i wouldn't give up for anything in the world. I get the feeling that you get aggravated greatly by this. it is understandable. And through this write you got across to people not in this situation, how it feels to be in one. Fantastic job.

    Akai_Ame^_^
    | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by Akai_Ame | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, That must be insanely aggravating. I would go nuts if my girl had to leave for such periods of time. This is a decent write. I'm not in your shoes so it's kind of hard for me to feel the longing like you do. "you would leave your fears behind, our bodies would be near." I like that line in that I have a similiar situation with my girlfriend. She goes to college 2 and half hours away from me, she only gets to come home on the weekends if the weather is good.
    Can't say I understand how much pain you feel, but I feel some too. Good effort, I'll be reading more.

    Jussy
    | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by Jussy | [ Reply to This ]
      Well my boyfriend isn't the delivery man..but he's a Marine and he's home like twice a year and then he leaves. He comes and it's like everything is right and normal and just how it should be, and then like that...he goes. And all I can do is wait until the day I can see him again. I can't change the miles between us...we deal with them...I know it's two totally different situations..but I feel you here. Great job..great write..and take care. ~hailie~
    | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by loveispain | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good poem. Very nicely written and expressed with sincere emotions. How difficult this must be to have to be separated continually this way. I often wonder how it must be for the family when truckers always have to leave for extended periods on a regular basis. I guess I have to give him credit for his efforts as I would imagine it isnt easy for him either, but I also feel for you and the sense of longing you feel. This is a very good write and you describe this situation so well, and I guess that comes with the experience. Hopefully you will be rewarded for all of your patience and understanding. You should show him this poem. Nice write. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


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