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Brother Mine

Author: Flamequill
ASL Info:    17/Male/Sparta Michigan
Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 77 /97 /35
Words: 81
Class/Type: Poetry /Friendship
Total Views: 750
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 566


Love this poem, tell me what you think,

Brother Mine

If we borrow time
let's go away
when all strife
will be at bay

If we borrow the sea
let's swim all time
and see the fish
in all their prime

If we borrow the sky
let's fly real high
and catch a few birds
oh please, let's try

If we borrow time
let's fly away
where brothers thrive
and always stay

If we borrow death
let's never die
and teach me to be
just like brother-mine

Submitted on 2005-12-01 07:55:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Oh very nice poem you have here.. some of the stanzas are a <<little>> forced and dont make that much sence..

Its really good though and flows nicely
| Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]
  If we borrow the sea
let's swim all time.. I know why the "the; isn;t there, but this line needs something else.
you tryied hard to keep the same rythum throughout this peice, but there are a few places where it is a litte off.
If we borrow time
let's fly away
where brothers thrive
and never go away.. away away rhyme.. try stray,
| Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]
  An almost sadly whimsical feeling comes to mind when I read it. The tempo when you read it feels like you should go slowly to savor each feeling and word. Yet, despite all that I feel as if I should be happy and childlike at the thought of flying with the birds, swimming with the fish. I like this poem because of the different emotions/feelings I get when I read it. The last stanza feels almost like a grounding of all the other emotions that are contained in the poem because of the topic it touches on. Good work.
| Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by auntwheezie | [ Reply to This ]

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