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    dots Submission Name: pinkdots

    Author: myonlysalvation
    Elite Ratio:    2.11 - 41/48/42
    Words: 179
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 722
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 976

       Strive to be original! Does the piece make the reader use their wit to understand? Are things stated "poetically" and not spoon feeding emotions?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I don't know how to breath
    without you
    i don't know how to dream

    i guess, yr the epitomy of all of my dreams
    Please don't aproach me. & don't try to speak
    I think i would fall appart around you.
    my bones feel weak.
    don't try to touch me. yr. fingertips would
    just melt through my skin.
    Have yr words gotten softer?
    has yr gaze gotten deeper?
    is it just to get back at somebody?
    don't bother. i'm not a challenge.
    please don't try & touch me.
    i couldn't bare if it was fake*
    don't try & break the walls around me.
    i know yr not planning to stay.
    So leave me here to this empty room
    to cry softly. to die softly.
    to dream.
    in one piece, before i brake
    just leave this love unopenned.
    i couldn't bare if it was fake*

    Submitted on 2005-12-01 10:53:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was a good piece hon. It could use a little fine-tuning, but I really felt the emotion in this one. I love reading your work! :)
    | Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by Geraldine | [ Reply to This ]
      youve been texting too much me thinks. I enjoyed reading this. It felt like it could be a song. I coulnt bare if it was fake...could also mean I wouldnt take my clothes off if the touch was fake.

    Good write

    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      honestly the "yr" replacing the your threw me off...i encourage originality but that's a little confusing. stick with the idea.
    | Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by sandaledfeet | [ Reply to This ]
      This was fine to tell you the truth, i encourage you to not compromise the way you write, but i must say that i feel you are capable of a much greater and profound work.
    | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]

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