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    dots Submission Name: my blissful sinsdots

    Author: shygirl
    ASL Info:    16/f/ok
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 71/54/14
    Words: 168
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Serious
    Total Views: 1436
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 888


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    dotsmy blissful sinsdots

    The whisper from my blissful sins
    Brings me hope and glee with in

    All my life and all my days
    My sins come back to taunt my ways

    All is fine and all is right
    Till my sins come back to fight

    I will pay for all my sins
    When this ends death comes in

    Death will kill and burn me so
    Till my sins will leave or go

    When Iím dead and all is gone
    I will face all Iíve done wrong

    Screaming and crying for all of time
    Iíll be blind to all that is fine

    Hate will fill my eternal life
    And cut my throat with its syth

    Blind and alone tears I will cry
    Till I give up and know longer try

    For ever and always my life will be hell
    Hate, cruelty, and pain no more life left to tell

    Submitted on 2005-12-01 10:54:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this was good, very good...i will add it to my favorites so i will be happy...this had a very excellent flow in my opinion and i think you wrote it near flawlessly...congratulations you are...
    | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by misty_of_moon | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very deep and personal write
    What saddens me is that you only look at your sins when death is upon you
    This is really sad
    Trust me you have done more Good than bad within your Life
    Just continue to walk a clear path and theres know doubt you will be in Heaven when Death is near
    God Bless
    And Thank You for your recent comments
    I will be looking for more of your writes
    Your Friend
    | Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to say I'm kind of experiencing this right now. All the bad things I've done are being brought back up to taunt me and it's horrible. It really is. I mean I can relate to this so much it isn't even funny. Well maybe it is but you can decide that.

    "All my life and all my days
    My sins come back to taunt my ways"

    That's the part that probably describes my life right now.

    Well the structure and flow was good. The rhyme scheme was great. Umm so yea not anything left for me to say here other than nice!

    | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      This was well done. Thoughts on having to pay for what we have done in life, when we are in death. It is a common thought. Many people wonder what life (if there is one) after death will be like. I can't think of i thing i would change. Even "wrong" i thought sounded fine where it was. The poem almost makes me want to try to make up for all i've done wrong so when i leave this hell i life in, i don't enter another one...but i don't believe i can...There are far too many and not even close to enough time. Wonderful write and keep the talent you have. it will take you places and give you a way to vent.

    | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by Akai_Ame | [ Reply to This ]
      'I will face all Iíve done wrong ' Take out wrong! this poem had so much great flow to it until you reach this line! without the word wrong, it works better. I really like this, sin is a huge topic i think about, and this is a good interpretation of it.

    | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by Kane Martyr | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this one it would make a good song sins are in the eyes of the beholder and only the one who created this mess for us can tell what a real sin is not any one frome the race of humankind i feel one mans sin is to another a real blessing that they will find some spiritual blessing and lesson after all there are alot of men of the cloth called to be on the fast track to hell for taking the word of god out of context
    please keep up the good work
    | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by papalegba | [ Reply to This ]

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