This kind of strayed off the subject and frankly the three writes seem a little repititious all together but this was okay...the first two in my opinion were better. this was as I said OK tho. peace by the way ur GFz pretty lucky just thought I'd say that
Well, what you wrote about is true. I'm going through a lot of stuff now, trying to figure out my place at school, and there's this whole thing with a girl, but I won't delve into it right now. Anyway, good poem, and good message, just put punctuation in, because you should always have it, even if it looks weird. I agree with joy7542 because it needs a little more flow, but other than that, I like it. Keep writing.
Wow, that is all I have to say right now. You are getting so much better, honestly. So quickly too!
okay, just a few suggestions.
'But when it falls You’ll be down And your going to stay'
the last sentance would sound better if it was something more like and down you will stay.
just remember while writting that you want a certian flow to it.
I love the begining, the middle got a little hard to read because it was alot like sentances chopped up, but then you got back on track with the wonderful last stanza. I love how you took out the coma's too.. much better. You cease to amaze me, just keep up the amazing work, soon you will pass me by- sooner then I hoped
Submission Name: Love(-3-)
just thought I'd say that