Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: wake the fuck up!dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: weepingwillow
    ASL Info:    23/f/Brighton
    Elite Ratio:    2.91 - 38/75/35
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Story/Angry
    Total Views: 1048
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 709



    Description:
       this guy i live with is in the territorial army, im such a pacifist


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswake the fuck up!dots
    -------------------------------------------


    im so fuckin frustrated
    with british tradition
    i aint patriotic
    i aint eatin that bloody animal
    and the boy i live with
    has his head clouded so much
    by bastard sadists
    who dont care one jot for him
    if we went to war
    he would die for
    SOMEONE ELSE's ARGUMENT
    now what the Fuck is that about

    gaze out of the cold glass
    green fields permeate my own windows
    spoiled by the buildings
    ant workers inside creating weapons of
    mass destruction
    well it makes me violent myself
    what a pity
    when outsiders are captured
    only to be grated,boiled down into ground lead.




    Submitted on 2005-12-01 16:23:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      your title made me laugh, actually, but then, i'm a sucker for stuff like that. but when i opened it up i found this to be very different to what i thought it might be.

    this is very angry, very pronounced, very... well, yeah.

    you should read this out live one day.
    it'd rattle everyone, for sure.
    seriously.

    myself, i wouldn't go a hundred miles near an army. i'm a complete pacifist, so much so that i wonder why so many nations are such antagonistic [censored]s. just look at israel and palestine... god, that always makes me sick, it really does. goddamn idiots that can't sit down and work out a compromise.

    but
    i'm blathering like i usually do.
    peace out.
    | Posted on 2009-01-07 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]
      SOMEONE ELSE'S ARGUMENT-that line was top-notch. I do like the anger, although I may not totally agree with the politics of it all. I thought the last stanza was much more poetic and image-laden than the first. The first was mostly ANGER, ANGER, ANGER! Then you start talking about green fields permeating your windows. I don't know if it's just me or what, but I felt like it was two different poems, linked only by the mention of WMDs in the second stanza. Thanks for sharing-and maybe take some anger management courses. - Lazy Spleen
    | Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by Lazy Spleen | [ Reply to This ]
      Ooo angry. I like it. For some reason, I really liked:

    "if we went to war
    he would die for
    SOMEONE ELSE's ARGUMENT"

    I dont know why. I cant relate and it doesnt remind me of anything. Its just worded well and makes a good point. Anyways, the whole thing is good. You expressed yourself in such a great way. Excellent job

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      Sadists arn't that bad, I mean I'm one. I feel very afraid of you right now. Hope this don't offend you, but not all of us are like that!

    So any ways, ya might want to capatalize some around here, and put in about two more breaks or maybe just one more, to at least make three or four stanzas.

    Ja Matte!
    | Posted on 2005-12-01 00:00:00 | by akaietowa-ru_18 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    83007

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry