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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Togetherdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rAbit
    ASL Info:    18/m/Tx
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 84/91/38
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 321
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 838



    Description:
       About my girl friend, cricket.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTogetherdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tonight, the wind drifts through the window frame, along with the pale moonlight.
    She holds the razor to her wrist, tries to complete her wish.
    Crimson liquid runs down, as she sits alone in her cell.
    Prison to her own horror, and torture.
    Pain is building inside, scratching and feasting on her sane memories.
    Stared at by the community, they think she’s just a tad bit insane.
    The puddles that grow beneath her, that hold her inner frame.
    Flowing through the puncture wounds, as she sits there, cold and Frayed.
    Her eyes are beautiful, tinted to the light green of gray.
    Cold drifts through her skin, her eyes are shutting in.
    Laying motionless to the music of nights imaginative glamour.
    Whispering her name one last time, we died together.




    Submitted on 2005-12-02 00:37:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      good thing we didnt die together... did it bother you that the community thought me a tad bit insane? i dont plan on getting locked up again or attempting suicide...that is no longer my wish...

    -cricket
    | Posted on 2007-05-27 00:00:00 | by Cricket | [ Reply to This ]
      good thing we didnt die together... did it bother you that the community thought me a tad bit insane? i dont plan on getting locked up again or attempting suicide...that is no longer my wish...

    -cricket
    | Posted on 2007-05-27 00:00:00 | by Cricket | [ Reply to This ]
      good thing we didnt die together... did it bother you that the community thought me a tad bit insane? i dont plan on getting locked up again or attempting suicide...that is no longer my wish...

    -cricket
    | Posted on 2007-05-27 00:00:00 | by Cricket | [ Reply to This ]
      good thing we didnt die together... did it bother you that the community thought me a tad bit insane? i dont plan on getting locked up again or attempting suicide...that is no longer my wish...

    -cricket
    | Posted on 2007-05-27 00:00:00 | by Cricket | [ Reply to This ]
      good thing we didnt die together... did it bother you that the community thought me a tad bit insane? i dont plan on getting locked up again or attempting suicide...that is no longer my wish...

    -cricket
    | Posted on 2007-05-27 00:00:00 | by Cricket | [ Reply to This ]
      I really don't like to read poetry like this because it places sorry in my heart. But...this was very well written and it was deep and full of emotion. It's sad to think of someone treated in such a way....a way that they'd want to kill themselves. But unfortunately....it happens every day. The way this is written....it seems the girl is alone. But by the last line....it seems as if there are two people present. What I figured....is that you loved the girl greatly and when she killed herself.....part of you died with her. She was your life and when she lost hers....yours was lost as well. Once again....great write!
    | Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by bleeding-soul | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah, that was such a sad/awesome poem. It just kept going and you wanted to find out what the next words were going to be. Describing blood as crimson liquid was great. I enjoyed reading it
    inkpen
    | Posted on 2006-02-02 00:00:00 | by inkpen | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm... Like I have said a million times before i hate you..!... because i will never be as good as you and you will say " It takes time " lol I love you tho!

    and you are an awesome writer,

    "'''''She holds the razor to her wrist, tries to complete her wish "'''''''''''''''

    tis one of the best lines but.. Yeah.. <3
    | Posted on 2005-12-24 00:00:00 | by dancerchik_4 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is da sadest and most beautifull poem i have read in a really long time! i truly mean that! its very moving! i loved it good joB!
    ~akaila evonne~
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! very intense i love it very moving. I wondnt change a thing. The only thing i dont really under stand is the last line "we died together" who is we?
    | Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by Brat05 | [ Reply to This ]
      sad ...beatiful ..
    and the last line is very moving ...
    I think I become fan of yours now
    I'm waiting to see more of your work
    | Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by muhammed | [ Reply to This ]



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