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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Quietdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rAbit
    ASL Info:    18/m/Tx
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 84/91/38
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 335
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 979



    Description:
       Random,


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsQuietdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Deterioting inside my mind, quietly forming the end of time
    i see the things different, I see the things wrong
    nothing is shown right, I walk the different direction
    i poison my self, in hope to find a cure to my pathetic time
    under the soft and mellow noise, is hidden in distinct form of the opposite
    a painted picture with it's different and understated meaning
    subminal,
    i hid my emotion, and show my fake
    mentally..tearing myself apart, pushing it aside...
    the pain of fading is a drift
    swaying away, the moments of my shadow under the cold dusk
    the whispers of the pale unknown ghost.
    truthfully lying, about how life is pleasant,
    with thoughts and thoughts of the brighter side
    and only to find myself in the vague shadows
    quietly, decaying
    sitting back away fading
    backwards and abstract feeling
    i'm dying, quietly.





    Submitted on 2005-12-02 01:01:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like togethere more...

    Not in a mean way I just relate to the other one more...

    Ya know?

    But of coarse this is still awesome.!
    | Posted on 2005-12-24 00:00:00 | by dancerchik_4 | [ Reply to This ]
      I do like the poem althought it confused me at times, but your writings have great potential. When you write a poem (unless you do it already) read it a few times out loud to make sure it sounds like it has a creative flow to your ears. I am not saying youres didn't it's just advice to make it even better
    | Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by Fadeintoreality | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this one, it has a great message, i like how it kinda leave the reader open to interpert it in there own way,its good
    | Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by stateXofXmind | [ Reply to This ]
      Before I can give you a proper critique, there were some parts in the poem that I didn't quite understand and was hoping you could explain them to me.
    For eg. 'poison my self, in hope to find a cure to my pathetic time
    under the soft and mellow noise, is hidden in distinct form of the opposite
    a painted picture with it's different and understated meaning
    subminal'

    Try as I did my feeble minded brain couldn't interpret these lines:).

    Overall, I felt that even though the sentiments were expressed reasonably well (severe depression takes away the reason for living and reduces the will to go on, everything is dark and gloomy) , the flow of the poem wasn't as smooth as it could have been.
    Only my opinion...:)



    | Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by cabbalistic | [ Reply to This ]
      great write...
    and a heart felt words ..we'll done
    it's an honer to find some one can really write
    keep the good work ...
    | Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by muhammed | [ Reply to This ]



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