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any ideas?


Author: time2leave
ASL Info:    17/f/usa
Elite Ratio:    6.07 - 4 /2 /1
Words: 88
Class/Type: Poetry /Death
Total Views: 699
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 543



Description:


this is my first post ever on here and i wasn't sure how anyone would except it....please give me feedback on what i can do...


any ideas?



I see how much I'm wanted
I know how much you care
I can tell how much you love me
So is that why your not here
Mom- You always believed me
But lately you've had your doubts
Now, I just feel hopeless
Dad- You never left me
You gave me everything
Sis- You never liked me
I know you never cared
So now I'm gone
No more worries
I won't be home tonight
I'm drowning in a sea of blood
The revolver by my side.




Submitted on 2005-12-02 09:51:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  ok, you have some loose structure and repetition here, and i like it. you have some mild grammatical errors, and i think you should either get rid of all of it. but it's good. expecially for your first post. great job and keep 'em coming :)
| Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
  Awww Kathryn, this is a pretty good poem, it really is. The poem itself is FAB U LASS, but the theme is going to make me cry. I don't want to think of you this way
"drowning in a sea of blood
The revolver by [your] side. "
I want to think of you the way I see you always smiling and happy and here for the messed up me when I'm all discombobulated.
Kathryn, you're know you're my home girl and I'd do anything for you - so come and talk to me before you even consider doing something as silly and as inane as this!
*hugs* *hugs* *hugs*
Courtney
p.s. Never Stop Writing.
| Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]


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