This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

any ideas?

Author: time2leave
ASL Info:    17/f/usa
Elite Ratio:    6.07 - 4 /2 /1
Words: 88
Class/Type: Poetry /Death
Total Views: 699
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 543


this is my first post ever on here and i wasn't sure how anyone would except it....please give me feedback on what i can do...

any ideas?

I see how much I'm wanted
I know how much you care
I can tell how much you love me
So is that why your not here
Mom- You always believed me
But lately you've had your doubts
Now, I just feel hopeless
Dad- You never left me
You gave me everything
Sis- You never liked me
I know you never cared
So now I'm gone
No more worries
I won't be home tonight
I'm drowning in a sea of blood
The revolver by my side.

Submitted on 2005-12-02 09:51:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  ok, you have some loose structure and repetition here, and i like it. you have some mild grammatical errors, and i think you should either get rid of all of it. but it's good. expecially for your first post. great job and keep 'em coming :)
| Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
  Awww Kathryn, this is a pretty good poem, it really is. The poem itself is FAB U LASS, but the theme is going to make me cry. I don't want to think of you this way
"drowning in a sea of blood
The revolver by [your] side. "
I want to think of you the way I see you always smiling and happy and here for the messed up me when I'm all discombobulated.
Kathryn, you're know you're my home girl and I'd do anything for you - so come and talk to me before you even consider doing something as silly and as inane as this!
*hugs* *hugs* *hugs*
p.s. Never Stop Writing.
| Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?