Description: its about being completely capable of doing something in a great manor but being forced to sit it out.
most feed back is appriciated.
just a hint though, i know how to rhyme, i rhyme because i enjoy rhyming and i dont fail at doing so. so please dont leave me nasty remarks regarding how i need to work on my rhyming and how it seems i force the rhymes to come together because I DONT. rhyming is natural. flow is natural. i say what i want when i want....
A Dove Still To Fly -------------------------------------------
A Dove Still To Fly
every day is an enternity that i spend frozen
awaiting the day this nimble mind will thaw
like a dove without wings i am chosen
to be without reason or probable cause
you have clipped my wings and tied my feet
so that i could never take my first flight
stripped me of my essence to make me incomplete
and poisened my food to win the fight
in this cage i stand hunchbacked and falling over
half dead from the tortures i have now endured
waiting for the day i can snap at my owner
for keeping me here, when i could be cured
i have watched the eagles as they sore above me
free, limitless, with air underneath there wings
this sight so beautifull i wish not to see
because pain is all it brings
unbound these feet, and spread my wings
i am ready like i have never been
so i may pronounce the first notes as i sing
a song that cannot be unsung
I love it. The rhyming doesnt really matter to me, but it didnt seem forced at all. Actually, I was impressed with it. The wording is amazing. Very creative. Awesome subject too. Great job
love the subject matter...and it's beautifully delivered. honestly i couldnt give less of a rats ass if you rhymed or not. this poem would be kick arse either way cuz the content it so strong. It's like dr. suess meets poe by suess i am just referring to the rhymes...take no offence and when i say poe i am just reffering to the depth...take no offence. I say what i want when i want. keep on keepin on stay strong.
I liked the way you took up for yourself in the Description box. That was great. I love poems that rhyme on the a and c lines like that instead of the ones that are a/b and c/d. They seem like they are more...advanced?? Maybe? Something... Anyways... I think in the 4th stanza, it should be "their wings" instead of "there wings", because "there" is refering to places. In the last stanza, I think it should be "unbind these feet"? You might have wanted it to say unbound, but it doesn't seem to go good with the rest of that and with the tense of your verbs. Otherwise, I think this was very well written. I enjoyed. Thanks!
This is a very good poem. A very sensitive subject matter here and you have written some good and honest feelings here. This must feel very frustrating to you and be very difficult to deal with. I think the fact that you are aware of the potential you have, you have become stronger for it. Then again, I am not sure if this one is coming from personal experience and I dont like it when it is assumed either so I will ask...is this a personal experience for you? It would just seem it is as you are very intune with your focus here. I think you did a nice job with this and the rhyme here is also very well done and nonforced. Nice work. Take care.
This write is really beautiful To me you are spesaking of becoming aware of the beauty you have inside and now you are letting it out so others may feel and understand the beauty in front of them This again is a fantastic write Great work! Ron
Please if you get a chance take a look at some of my poetry and let me know what you think Thank You Ron
Submission Name: A Dove Still To Fly
