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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Couldn't Do Itdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jester_Gesture
    ASL Info:    23/f
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 365/459/201
    Words: 250
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Serious
    Total Views: 878
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1679



    Description:
       So I tried to kill myself and it didn't work. Then it snowed.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Couldn't Do Itdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm failing
    At making my own ending.
    Miserable, and in the clutch
    of a pain that's becoming just too much,
    throwing me down, away from your touch.

    I look and I listen
    for some sign of hope.
    Somewhere, out there,
    you're waving it blindly
    and I'm still not finding,
    I cannot see it but it's there,
    I know.

    Chorus
    The whispers sent from the sky
    in crystal puffs of white
    drive out the shouts of anguish
    I let loose in the night.
    They tell me there's hope in this storm,
    everything will be all right.

    I cannot do this on my own.
    I have tried to take control.
    And it's cold out here, and I'm
    unable to stay clear of
    ice on this road.

    Chorus

    I feel like I'm losing all strength.
    A fatigue weighing me down that I cannot shake.
    The battles rage on and down goes the sun
    and everything is wrong, everything is wrong,
    I have been so wrong.

    I'm failing
    At making my own ending.
    Miserable, and in the clutch
    of a pain that's becoming just too much,
    throwing me down, away from your touch.

    But the whispers sent from the sky
    in crystal puffs of white
    drive out the shouts of anguish
    I let loose in the night.
    They tell me there's hope in this storm,
    everything will be all right.
    You tell me there's hope in the storm,
    and don't give up the fight
    for life.




    Submitted on 2005-12-02 12:41:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I love this one! Especially the ending line.. it would sound so great put to music! The chorus would be one of those awesome "quotes" that everyone puts in their profile on AIM, you know? :P
    | Posted on 2006-11-16 00:00:00 | by Two Meters Away | [ Reply to This ]
      Darling, please, never try to kill yourself... find someone -- anyone -- to talk to and just let it all out. Your poetry is amazing and to lose a writer like you would devestate the world.

    -x- Candie
    | Posted on 2006-03-24 00:00:00 | by teenage_dirtbag | [ Reply to This ]
      Katie, when this happens, you don't hide, you tell someone! Bonnie and I are ALWAYS there for you, you know that. But about the poem. This was incredible! Not just the writing, which rocked, but the story. God is faithful. Words cannot do Him justice. What an incredible God He is. I'm glad He loves you, aren't you? Love you so much darlin'! See ya tomorrow! Hannah
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree its one of the better pieces youve done. It was fine written, but work on how your words flow together...it might help
    | Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]
      This is one of the best pieces I've read that you've written. And I know you can't see it. But I'm not going to stop telling you. There's still hope.
    | Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by Aaron Felix | [ Reply to This ]
      I suppose if you really want to you could kill yourself. I think about it all the time. But I wanna just see it. I wanna see that girl smile. I want to see someone fall in love and then out of it. I want to see europe for all it's worth. I wanna find someplace alone but warm. I wanna laugh like there's no tomorrow. REal laugh. I wanna do things, so i havent killed myself yet. If you do kill yourself you should do it the best way. not small and alone. Homicidal, dramtized...so many choices...
    I really liked the flow and the repetetivity was perfect for a song. I could hear the music to go with it. I like the snow... even if I like the rain better.
    | Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by Red_reaper | [ Reply to This ]
      I also tried to commit suicide and it didn't work but that's your higher power letting you know your purpose is not fulfilled. That's what I've come to believe anyway. I'm glad you couldn't do it!
    Now, the piece is well written and I'm not a lyrisist but it works great as a song I think.
    The last stanza was my favorite and it's ever so true!
    Love,Peace,Joy~Know,Experience,BE~~~
    tif
    | Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Do not call your self a failure. Only in death of such a willingness is a failure. Be glad you made it through. It's a success to life a full life not a fools life. Sometimes it hurts and we feel misunderstood. Just as fine as you can write a poem. You can also cause others to laugh. The little things mean so much as life goes on. Patience is a virtue so it's been said. Yes I heartly agree, If ever you get a dumb notion, which is all to common. Then just remember all good things come to an end so they say. I say in contrast all bad things will end as well. So patience is the key to having balance. That is well needed to enjoy the small things in life. For they are precious in their own right. With that said keep up the poetry you are better at grammer then I lol. Ahh but its ok I enjoy writing. As I see you do also Take care
    Jester_Gester

    Sincerly Gannondalf aka Big Bear
    | Posted on 2006-06-24 00:00:00 | by Gannondalf | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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