Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Over a heartbreak

Author: vedanta19
Elite Ratio:    3.28 - 503 /510 /143
Words: 114
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1214
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 754


For those who have a heartbreak, telling them to move on...

Over a heartbreak

On a sweet morning, the sun still smiles his best,
Forgetting last night of weird wind and cruel cold;

Little hopeful sparrow chirps for good food,
Getting over yesterday of hunger and mean rain;

Eager eagle soars high to touch colourful rainbow,
Moving on from disappointments of foggy past;

Delicate frost rests briefly on a cold winter morning,
Admired by freezing passers-by, looking forward to a new day;

And on a twilight, a moon calmly looks on a sleepy world - sharing tales with tiny stars,
Forgetting that dark eclispe of yesterday;

So, precious one - over that broken heart,
Walk again, smilingly hugging the new day.

Submitted on 2005-12-02 13:15:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I love the way you used the sun and eagles and nature to show moving on. It's so increadibly hard to day it's fine but the next it's horrible. I really like this one...I love how you ended it. <3
| Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by MyKemicalfailur | [ Reply to This ]
  i like this poem alot. the way you use nature to show how one would look into the future/present.. and not worry about the past is very neat. i think this is a very original piece and u did an exceptional job on it! keep up the good work

| Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by roxygirl | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very nice poem you have here. I love all the nature you have written about and gives the reader the sense of a better tomorrow. I think the ending here could be improved as I found it kind of puzzling and didnt really fit in well with the theme of the poem. Perhaps if you stuck with the same theme that you used in all the other lines previous, and ended it with that kind of resolution it would be stronger. I do understand its meaning but I had to read it a couple of times. Just my opinion and besides the abrupt ending, this is a lovely poem. Take care.

| Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  Another one lovely poem. The flow is nice.
I don’t find the ending confusing at all. It actually made sense. I loved the nature metaphor. Descriptions are very poetic and fragile but the first stanza was very realistic. It happens to me sometimes when the morning comes and sun is shining that everything bad that happened yesterday or day before yesterday seem so unreal and so far away.
| Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
  very nice
its calm and has an easy flow
i truly love that
althow its a little just a little acward in the rythem its really good
please comment on some of stuff
| Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by bloodied_angel | [ Reply to This ]
  I tend to agree. The nature element was very good. A little bit confusing at the end though. That apart, I really enjoyed reading it.
| Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
  This was interesting and it read well until the very end...for me, just kind of confusing in the way it sounds?

I did enjoy all the nice stanzas up to that point - with the use of nature and all the good and bad feelings.
Good job!
| Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?