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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Prisonerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 53
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 648
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 371



    Description:
       Maybe you can understand this...maybe not...but I am interested to know your first reactions or maybe you want to really look at it and pick it apart and tell me what you get out of it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Prisonerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    her temptest
    her rose
    green and gold stained glass
    she's a realist
    she feels old
    in touch with the darkest shades of her past

    her sentence
    her mold
    gray and white steel bars
    she's a realist
    her heart is old
    time has fought her only war

    she lives in disollusion




    Submitted on 2005-12-02 13:32:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Jesus Christ, how can one give a decent comment on this when they know that two comments below their own is this crazy, in-depth analysis of the poem in question? D*mn overachievers! I would say something positive about it, but anything that I have to say would be put to shame by said comment. Or I could just be lame and say, "It's pretty," and leave it at that. Maybe that's what I'll do. Yeah, I think it is. Hey, Jaz, it's pretty. I liked it.
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      hey thanx for your words of achievement
    just so you no memories lane is a true story to some extent about me and my life doves cry is also
    i have a chance to be published but my life is not ready yet late 2006 in the states as canada my home country i do not qualify not enouhj education but the title will be timeless and memories lane starts off
    your poetry gets better everytime i read it and this was great also i classify you a great writer and i hope i am around to read what you write about when your my age
    thanx again all the best for xmas
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      I am going to answer each question of the guideline below. Mind you, I have never done this in my commentary or reviews, but their is s first time for everything.

    1. Be honest.

    Okay, I am going to tell you how I really feel about this piece. I believe that simplicity is truly a simplistic attempt to an indepth thought which you have so delicately captured in your piece of "Prisoner". I will reveal why later in my summary.

    2. Try not to give only compliments.

    Hmmm, how can you not give comments when a piece affects you a certain way especially when it brings numerous thoughts to mind or strikes a chord?

    3. How did it make you feel?

    Now, we are talking! This piece gave me the perspective on two things: a young girl trapped in an adult mind by force or an actual middle-aged person in fear of growing old. I am most sure it is the first, but I could be so wrong. LOL . Only the writer knows the true meaning of her piece. As for the readers, we are mere interpreters of what the writer is feeling and thinking or suffeirng in life.

    4. Why did it make you feel that way?

    The reason I am adopting the first impression is because that is the...usually the right instinct (SOMETIMES), but as I said I could be wrong. Right? Okay, I have felt this way because of the Title and the age of the person writing. It could be that the perosn has had a hard life and is forced to live as an adult trapped in a teenager's body.

    5. Which parts?

    Every line gave me the impression above. She is a prisoner of her past misfortunes or decisions. She has to live with who she has become throught her old age. Now, it is dawning on me that this piece bears more than any reader can imagine. People often carry their burdens and it reflects in their facial features. Their overall ways of handling situations. Hmm, thought provoking young lady!

    6. What distracted from the piece?

    Their are no distractions. The only thing I see is a few lines expressing so much in so little words. I don't think it is a distraction, but an attraction.

    7. What was unclear?

    Not a thing. Pretty simple, but meaningful.

    8. What does it remind you of?

    It reminds me of the many young teenagers who suffer identity issues, who are forced through parental abuse, peer pressure, societal indifference, media influence, etc., to take on an adult role. In later years, they will reflect on their past ways and suffer the consequences thereof. It also reminds me of middle-age people who deal with more issues than any young person can ever know...it is a cycle that needs to find an end.

    9. How could it be improved?

    Improvements: One thing, go in depth with simplicity with three or four additonal stanzas. Actually, it is perfect the way it is...

    10. What would you have done differently?

    Nothing. Read No. 9

    11. What was your interpretation of it?

    I gave it to you in the previous questions. I spoke of simplicity being a true attempt of indepth simplistic thought. In other words, it is in simplicity that we find reality, truth, etc. Some poetic pieces are meant to be complex because they work well that way. Others require simplicity to convey an underlying message and even then it appears complex because it speaks of things that only the writer can tell and explain. We as readers are the invetigators, decipherers of such pieces.

    12. Does it feel original?

    Very original.

    Alrighty then, you have my intake of your piece and I am most honored to have read such simplistic yet complex piece. Can you really combine both? I guess you can...yours is an excellent example.

    Thanks, this is going on my favs list. Love Saby~*~
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by CaramelCandy | [ Reply to This ]
      I donít think she is old; on the other hand she is not very young. Maybe itís about middle life crisis. Yes, middle life crisis of a person who had a very difficult life.
    I think itís written well; nice choice of words, the flow is good.
    | Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
      When I read this I picture a painting. Not of a old lady but of a young and very sad girl. As far as the meaning I am just thinking a girl who feels loneny and is giving up... i suck at this.
    Good job though. It sure sounded nice.

    PinbFairy
    | Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by PinkFairy | [ Reply to This ]
      1st thought is that this poem grooves really well. The pace is totally perfect. As far as what it means, for me=relationships.

    Really enjoyed reading this, it just rolls of my tongue.

    Nice
    | Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by childs | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds like a girl who is young but all that she's been through aged her. She gave up bliss for truth. I got nothing else... Except a picture i suppose. You're good at that.
    | Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by Red_reaper | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    83105

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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