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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I wish I could......dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Lady Almira
    ASL Info:    16 Female Redding Ca
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 26/37/17
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 160
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 751



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI wish I could......dots
    -------------------------------------------


    You feel like sleeping now
    letting go of all the stress
    all the worries, all the fears
    all the sorrow and loniness

    I feel so sad inside
    I wish I could do more
    help you heal somehow
    help you fly, help you soar

    You are beaten and bruised
    you can't cry so I do for you
    your eyes have slowly dimmed
    yet still I can't believe its true

    That someone could ever hurt you
    An angel blessed from above
    that anyone could harm one of their own blood
    one they are suppose to love

    But yet the fact remains
    that someone has done this
    I can't deny it anymore,
    no matter how hard I wish




    Submitted on 2005-12-02 15:43:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well you sure left alot open for interpretation in this peice.lol. Could be about a great numerous things really. Well all the reader knows is that some magnificant person was hurt, and you are hurting because of this. But what hurt them??? hmmmmmm.lol. nice work.
    keep on keepin on

    XOxoXO,
    me
    | Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by angelfyre | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminded me of someone that I knew once. This was a very emotional piece. I love to read pieces that are written so that you can imagine someone saying it and know exactly what their voice would sound like. I think you did a good job letting that out. In the 4th stanza, I would change the word "suppose" to "supposed". Actually, I'd so something to the whole thing, because all of the other stanza's have this certian format? that they are written in, and that one isn't the same. It's kind of distracting.

    Stefanie
    | Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by DeadValentine | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it though I would suggest changing the 4th stanza and saying something else or just changing the words around. aight?



    ~Insphered~
    | Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by insphered soul | [ Reply to This ]



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