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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Promisesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: roxygirl239
    ASL Info:    14/f/VA
    Elite Ratio:    3.39 - 450/305/44
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1248
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 591



    Description:
       the title sux but im just calling it that cuz i hafta use it for an english project. This one was inspired by a dashboard confessional song.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPromisesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Why do I make
    These promises to myself?
    That the pieces will finally fit
    That the puzzle will finally be complete
    That we’ll finally be together

    Life is no jigsaw though
    How can I think this way?
    My thoughts are being drained
    Swirling down the drain
    Disappearing forever

    My problems are solved
    Yet they still float around
    Not fully contained
    Just drifting

    Maybe I want to play
    Another game
    But some how
    I can’t stop playing
    This one




    Submitted on 2004-04-24 19:00:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This sounds like it should be sung. Its simplistic but I like it!
    And I like the last stanza the most.
    | Posted on 2004-04-24 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm really sorry I cant give you any constructive criticism really. I think that it's unnecessary to tell us in the description that the "game" is love. It's a common enough anology that most people will get it. And otherwise it makes it a little more to think about. "Not fully contained just drifting" My thoughts are like that mostly. And this presents a problem a lot of people face without being cliché.
    | Posted on 2004-04-24 00:00:00 | by Leala | [ Reply to This ]
      This is great-- you've caught hopelessness, confusion, and exasperation all in one piece, and it flows seamlessly together. The last stanza is my favorite by far.

    I say this all the time, but I am a punctuation person. Everyone uses commas, periods, etc. at their own discretion, but I would like this better with some commas and periods. Your call tho! Good write!
    | Posted on 2004-04-24 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]
      ha this is very cool and it could almost be a song if you wanted it to be! i know the game well and im stuck playing it too... guess thats how it goes... awesome write
    | Posted on 2004-04-25 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this little circle you have weaved in this little spider web. LOL. Sorry I wanted to say something complexed. LOL Okay, Actually I like your rhyme schem you did well. You also had a good choice of word usage, and a great way of personifiying your imagery. Great poem
    | Posted on 2004-04-26 00:00:00 | by Nashataku | [ Reply to This ]


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