Promises by roxygirl239

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Submission Name: Promises dots

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Author:	roxygirl239
ASL Info:	14/f/VA
Elite Ratio:	3.39 - 450/305/44
Words:	83

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	537
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	591

Description:
the title sux but im just calling it that cuz i hafta use it for an english project. This one was inspired by a dashboard confessional song.

Promises dots

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Why do I make
These promises to myself?
That the pieces will finally fit
That the puzzle will finally be complete
That we’ll finally be together

Life is no jigsaw though
How can I think this way?
My thoughts are being drained
Swirling down the drain
Disappearing forever

My problems are solved
Yet they still float around
Not fully contained
Just drifting

Maybe I want to play
Another game
But some how
I can’t stop playing
This one

Submitted on 2004-04-24 19:00:08 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  This sounds like it should be sung. Its simplistic but I like it!
And I like the last stanza the most.
| Posted on 2004-04-24 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm really sorry I cant give you any constructive criticism really. I think that it's unnecessary to tell us in the description that the "game" is love. It's a common enough anology that most people will get it. And otherwise it makes it a little more to think about. "Not fully contained just drifting" My thoughts are like that mostly. And this presents a problem a lot of people face without being cliché.
| Posted on 2004-04-24 00:00:00 | by Leala | [ Reply to This ]
  This is great-- you've caught hopelessness, confusion, and exasperation all in one piece, and it flows seamlessly together. The last stanza is my favorite by far.

I say this all the time, but I am a punctuation person. Everyone uses commas, periods, etc. at their own discretion, but I would like this better with some commas and periods. Your call tho! Good write!
| Posted on 2004-04-24 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]
  ha this is very cool and it could almost be a song if you wanted it to be! i know the game well and im stuck playing it too... guess thats how it goes... awesome write
| Posted on 2004-04-25 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this little circle you have weaved in this little spider web. LOL. Sorry I wanted to say something complexed. LOL Okay, Actually I like your rhyme schem you did well. You also had a good choice of word usage, and a great way of personifiying your imagery. Great poem
| Posted on 2004-04-26 00:00:00 | by Nashataku | [ Reply to This ]

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