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I named my new dog 'Smalls' -
After Biggie ykno?
I was listening to 'Ready 2 Die' on my way to the Kennel.
I always loved that cd.
Its from somewhere primal -
Some place before pain differentiates into anger or sadness or fear.
When I found Smalls he was right there, and unapologetic.
Lying there on the floor, most of the young kids passed him by -
After all who wants a doggy that won't get up and lick your fingers.
Truthfully, I checked him out only because he Was within the weight requirements for my apartment.
Skinny with ribs showing, he was about 35 pounds, on a frame built for 50.
His ears were crusty with scabs from where the flies and other dogs had bit him.
An ugly, lumpy sore protruded from his nose like the stump of a unicorn's horn - a symbol of great pain.
I knelt to beckon him,
And he slowly crept up to my hand
With the air of one who has had his meals taken from under his nose.
Looking into his eyes I saw a sadness -
A sadness that I recognized:
Its the same feeling of meaninglessness that lets you slash your wrists, or strap bombs to your chest - or as in Smalls case, simply lay down and wait patiently to die.
Although i was leaving on a roadtrip that night, I resolved to take him with me right then.
I've not regretted my choice.
Smalls clings to me as though I intend to leave him any second.
At night he jumps into my bed and cuddles against me,
And by day he tries to reconcile insatiable curiousity with a need to stay near.
Right now he lies beside me -
It's late and he's not so good at staying awake.
His body twitches and kicks, and his face contorts into snarls.
Somewhere in his head he's re-living fights and beatings, disappointments and betrayals.
I'd wake him, but i can't bear to take any more from him.
I try to explain my attitude towards my friends - beast or brethren:
If you stand by me i'll stand by you until death do us part - amen.
Its more clear sacred to me than a prayer -
But in this world its understand hides inscrutable like the occult.
My dog has dreams.
He has dreams of the pain and suffering that have traumatized him.
He dreams of being left in the cold december snow,
And having to defend what little food and shelter he could scrounge up for each night,
Only to do the same thing the next day.
He dreams of being taunted, and marginalized, of knowing that passers-by didn't value him enough to even kick him while he was down.
He dreams of a very cold world - and the coldness surviving in it leaves within.
But i know that he also dreams of staying near his new friend,
Who feeds him till he can't eat any more and even offers some of his own meals.
He dreams of always being able to nestle up against my side and of having his chest scratched just so -
He dreams of hope the way a 7 year old child hopes - such a fragile thing.
Swishing Jim Beam in my mouth, I glance at his little body.
I know how cruel this world is.
I kiss the serpent to often to claim that i've no part in it.
Our pasts are dark and our futures uncertain.
But I have him. And he has me. And we have love. Right now.
And nothing can ever change that.
My Dog has dreams -
And so do I.
| Being the dog-lover that I am (I have three), this touched me. I, too, have a dog that I believe was possibly mistreated as a puppy...she shies away from everyone but me...even others in my family... even after living with us for over a year.|
She also cuddles with me at night and sits behind me in my chair during the day...never far behind me where-ever I walk and always riding on my lap as I drive my car...
There's just nothing like the love of a dog...to make your heart warm and your dreams just a bit more tangible...
|| Posted on 2005-12-07 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ] || Maybe your pasts are dark and your futures are uncertain, but your love for each other is your NOW, and that is what life is really all about. Your dreams can represent your past, your minds state of dreaming, or can represent your future, whatever it is you are hoping for, or perhaps have faith will occur in your life.|
As we age, and this includes dogs, we all show signs of our past trials and tribulations. Yes, our trials and tribulations show on us, but we have learned to be tolerant of life's reality.
You saw yourself in the eyes of your dog Smalls. Your souls recognized each other, and this connection made, your needs for love, made you take him immediately. How lucky could you both have been?
Your story reminded me of my little girl Annie, I had to have euthanized in August. She was a street dog, wise to the ways of people, other animals, and the streets in general. Annie, was about two or three years old, when we brought her into our home. She shared her wisdom with a new puppy Cocoa, taken into our home shortly after Annie became a family member. Now, Cocoa has taken Annie's place, and has accepted the same duties. No matter how much or how little time we have on this earth with each other, it is all meant to be, we have been given to each other, to learn from, and to teach each other. This of course includes love and comfort.
God be with you, and know He has sent Smalls to you because He knows you will love Smalls more than anybody else ever could do, and Smalls will do the same with you. This was a lovely story about your combined love and dreams. We truly do have more in common with other animals than many people seem to believe.
God bless, my friend,
|| Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by dycrain | [ Reply to This ] |