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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: That Shade of Reddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 250
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 608
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1543



    Description:
       I was laying in the bathtub the other night, and this just came to me...What a beautiful and tragic scene it would make. This is very dear to my heart, so if you're gonna knock it, don't even bother reading.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThat Shade of Reddots
    -------------------------------------------


    She knew when he kissed her that she'd love him forever.
    She imagines that's what brought her here.
    She lies in this tub of warm, dark liquid.
    She dreams of him being near.
    She drifts away on her precious memories.
    She wishes that her love for him would die.
    She imagines the feel of his lips one last time.
    And as she fades, she begins to cry...

    He stands outside the door to the bathroom.
    A slow, sad song plays from within.
    It reminds him of a time that he was happy.
    All he wants is to hold her again.
    He knows that he's made so many mistakes.
    He knows that he's shattered her heart.
    And as he slowly opens the bathroom door,
    He knows they can't live apart...

    She lies in a tub full of warm, red liquid,
    Tears still clinging to her cheeks.
    He curses the circumstances that brought them here,
    Mainly himself for being so weak.
    He had come back to tell her that he loved her.
    Tears begin to slip from his eyes.
    Now, he's lost her love forever.
    He sits beside her, and he cries...

    She hears his sobs and opens her eyes.
    She had no idea that he still cared.
    She reaches up to caress his cheek,
    "Baby, I just dyed my hair."
    She thought that she had lost him forever.
    He thought that she was dead.
    He made her promise to never again
    Dye her hair that shade of red.




    Submitted on 2005-12-03 10:07:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was awesome...brings tears and is crazy original...you are the coolest and you write some really good s h i t. So yeah I hate when you have some poem like this and it is just awesome and you say that and there is really nothing else to tell but you have to ramble on cause this site won't let you just be like "hey this was good...I likes it" and then click submit cause it is trying to get you to write so much more and I guess it is a good system cause so far it has worked!


    Love ya
    Jaz
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh Raivn! I knew the whole time what was going on, because of course you told me..
    but it was just beautiful...I loved the last few lines. I am adding this to my favorites because it is oh so wonderful!

    ...jessie
    | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      This made me almost cry, and then the "Baby, I just dyed my hair" made me sit here and go "Oh my gosh...oh my gosh...no way." Well done. Truthfully, I have nothing to say in ways of improvement. This was excellently and heartfeltly (If that's even a word) done. When I began to read, it sounded like my boyfriend and I. Then it got more serious, and I was sitting, shaking my head. Going "No, no, no..."
    I'm favoriting this one!
    | Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by Raging Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      That's wicked. I love the words, there's a lot of emotion there and it's sometimes hard to tell which emotion is more powerful because there are so many. It's a very beautiful piece, i love it.

    I think I'll go dye my hair red...just a homage to this piece.

    Cheers,
    Azael
    | Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by Anticlownperson | [ Reply to This ]
      This is awesome
    You were able to write about a very serious issue depression and still add some humor to it and yet it still flowed brilliantly
    It is a great task to unite humor and pain in the same write
    You accomplisshed this perfectly
    Nice Job
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, what a story. You really had me going with this one. I was just about to cry at the thought of it all. Thank you for throwing that bit of humor in there that saved me..lol.
    This was wonderfully executed. A very real tale of betrayed love that finds its way back. and a humorous tale as well.. with the red hair color..
    Very clever and well done.
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      absolutly beautiful........ yet so serious in a way. It was a bit funny though near the ending of it all when out of nowhere the words "Baby, I just dyed my hair* was said. There were many emotions to this writing from what I saw...... love.... romance...lost love....sadness..... many. It was very well written too and I greatly enjoyed it. Keep it up!!!!!! :D
    | Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by morbidkittie | [ Reply to This ]


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