Anorexia - Part One -------------------------------------------
Such a waste
To watch her waist away
The weight of the world on her shoulders
and not an ounce of meat on her bones.
Her heart as heavy as a weighted stone
dragging her down
into the depths of despair.
She is trying to faint herself away into nothingness
in the hope that someone will notice her existence.
But the attention she gets for her thinness
actually helps her to die.
Eaten away by her own self loathing,
swallowed up by an insatiable soul hole,
her hungered heart implodes
and she fades away.
Well, I was at least a borderline anorexic as a teen (I also compulsively exercised which is a form of bulimia), and this is eerily accurate. I think mine started out as depression because I lose my appetite when i get depressed, and I had a really hard time as a kid, but the attention really fueled me. Girls I admired would tell me how thin I was, and it felt so good to have them tell me that they admired me for SOMETHING. I was getting treatment for the depression (but nothing specifically for the disordered eating), and it eventually got better somehow. I really don't know what pulled me back from it, but I still have a horrible body image; I know that I'm not fat, but I never like how my body looks. I know that losing weight doesn't make your life perfect, but I used to think that another pound would do it. It sounds insane, but I have this horrible sense of guilt that I'm not perfect.
Concerning the poem, I find "depths of despair" to be a bit of a cliché, so perhaps you could say that differently. Nicely done, Amy
oh my, this should be read widely. no one should ever die this way... it is poignant and sharp. too many young women suffer and it is tragic.. the body beautiful is were it should be, we each a blessed gift to the world.
should ounze=ounce? This was really forceful and moving. It had its own personality to it. Like...the person who was watching was a bystander, helpless to help whomever. That was one interesting aspect of it. It was also did a good job of progressing, as you watch this girl die. Very powerful and disturbing. Dark and I liked it Metal Heart74
This is a very moving write I admire you for tackling this illness and putting your thoughts on it into this write This write is perfectly worded and really lets others into the sad world of anorexia Very well done Thank You for sharing this Im positive it will open some eyes Great Job! Ron
Yep, a great subject to write about, it's hardly understandable why they put themselves through this...
A great start, waste, watch, waist and weight all give the opening a melody, cleverly done. "Her heart as heavy as a weighted stone dragging her down into the depths of despair." was my favorite part. I don't know why, but this is heavy, and really fits what you're writing about, like a weight around the neck, very good indeed.
The next stanza's good, and supplies some sort of theory as to "why?" and offers more story of what happens.
Dunno about the way you ended it. If you're happy with the fade away, then that's fine. me, I like a punchline of some sort...but that's me, I just thought it could be a better finish.
Overall, excellent. Short and sweet yet telling a huge story.