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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Raydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Razing_Fire
    ASL Info:    16/M/Spokane
    Elite Ratio:    3.27 - 51/81/21
    Words: 223
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 266
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1390



    Description:
       I wrote this poem when I was in... 8th or 9th grade. I cant remember. Anyways this poem sucked. I tried to make a kind of murder story/ mystery but it came out as crazy phsyco twitaroo plot thingy. I don't know what comments I want. Anything I guess since its so old.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    There he lay upon the floor
    Illuminated by the light in the door
    The cops came in one by one
    To match the bullet to the gun

    "Ray was good, was never bad
    was slow to anger, rarely mad"
    Ray's best friend said to the funeral crowd
    While all was silent; no existing sound

    The police kept on searching, they looked for more clues
    But no one could see through the murderer's ruse
    But Ray's poor best friend took charge one fateful day
    "I'll find him" he said "I'll avenge my friend ray"

    He looked for a week, a month, and a year
    To die before vengeance was his only fear
    He often was seen snooping at night
    He finally went mental, couldn't tell the wrong from right

    But at last he found the murderer that slay
    A man whose heart was good the young man named Ray
    Ray's friend flew in no care for his health in the least
    His anger was a rage, his rage was a beast

    He didn't let off till' the strangers lips kissed the ground in the lot
    Did Ray's friend look down to see he had actually been shot
    But he didn't die yet, for he was not done
    He pulled of the stranger's mask... It was Ray's one only... son




    Submitted on 2005-12-03 16:59:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hell yes I remember this one... old but awesome... oh yeahand btw it was 9th grade for sturgio last year, remember? anyway, Awesome then and awesome now... anyway... yeah... see you on monday... THNX

    - Nammy
    | Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by Namlooc20 | [ Reply to This ]
      You know, that is a very good poem, I got a good mental picture from all of that. Funny thing is, I was listening to the song "When Johnny Comes Marching Home" while reading that poem, and got the music of the song stuck to the words of the poem, it came out cool in my head

    Did Rays son shoot the Ray's friend? Cause if he looked down to see he was shot, it implies that Rays son shot him, oy I'm confused?
    | Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by MyHeart2Yours | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked your word choice. Near the end I got a little confused by how you worded it all. Like I couldn't tell what was happening at all, kind of like some parts of Shakespeare that are tough to get. It took a few reads but I think Ray's freind thought that he had caught the guy responsible for Ray's death and shot him but it turned out that he accidently shot Ray's son... or maybe Ray's son killed Ray. I am not too sure.
    | Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by sug90 | [ Reply to This ]



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