Well, I don't really dig listening to “Eminen” and I wouldn’t have to if it weren't for my nasty little demons like brothers. As to this write I kind of concur with what Danny brings up about adding more ideas and making a song about it. With regards to the title I'd say that you should make up something more appealing coz the one you chose is too simple and austere.
Personally I didn't really like the message ... I guess I like expressing anger in a subtler way ... but to each their own.
As much as i hate to admit it, i quite liked the writing style here, i personally listen to a bit of Eminem and this wouldn't at all sound unlike something he'd spout off in one of his many raps. My advice to you would be, take what you have here, add a few more stanzas and post it as a song. You've managed to pick words that naturally sound like a rap and as reading the tune just seems to play in your head. Congrats Danny