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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: broken promisesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: my pain
    ASL Info:    16/F/aust
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 191/123/39
    Words: 54
    Class/Type: Poetry/The pain inside
    Total Views: 704
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 416



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbroken promisesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    one more tear,
    another cut,
    broken promises,
    lay limp and broken.

    a soul in torment,
    dieing slowly,
    bound to love,
    twisted in hate.

    griped by a world,
    of heaven and hell,
    locked in mind,
    so desperate to escape.

    guilt and sorrow,
    form a bond,
    vengefull words,
    mirror sadned love.




    Submitted on 2005-12-04 01:19:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I don't know what to say... to me it was a bit too choppy and some of the lines were rather cliché and austere... perhaps you could try to be less straightforward so as to have a different impact on the reader … it seems that this was written only because you needed to vent ….dunno …. Maybe I’m just rambling again.

    Take Care,

    Later,

    Ethan.
    | Posted on 2006-03-12 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
      Not too bad. It is short and sweet, but it could have been longer and more sweet, but thats all my opinion... I can understand the pain you are going through
    congrats on the well worded write

    john*

    3.5/5
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes i agree it is very deep very much heart felt more like we can read or see what kind of pain the writter is going through. But i really love this one.
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by Beautiful Angel | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is rooted in pain. it is for sure heartfelt and written with pain, hurt and being lost. Very dark and bleek. I might need a dose of the cartoon network after this one.

    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by childs | [ Reply to This ]


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