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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: He Sits Alone "4-12-2005"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: corruptedspirit
    ASL Info:    26/Male/England (Swindon
    Elite Ratio:    5.38 - 160/185/56
    Words: 275
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 324
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2000



    Description:
       


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    dotsHe Sits Alone "4-12-2005"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    He sits alone,
    He sits and stares,
    Only his thoughts for company,
    He's lost,
    Soul searching,

    Trying to find a light,
    A light to save him,
    To save him from the dark,
    The dark that consumes him,

    He sits alone,
    He sits and stares,
    Only his thoughts for company,
    He's blinded,
    Still searching,

    He never finds his path,
    The path to freedom,
    The freedom from torture,
    The torture that haunts his every waking minute,

    He sits alone,
    He sits and stares,
    Only his anger for company,
    He's irate,
    But continues searching,

    He looks back on his life,
    The life that has been wasted,
    Wasted like his thoughts,
    His thoughts that engulf him,

    He sits alone,
    He sits and cries,
    Only a ghost for company,
    He's made a decision,
    Hopefully he'll find that for which he is searching,

    At last he moves,
    Moves toward the knife,
    The knife he placed before him,
    Placed with a purpose,

    He sits alone,
    He sits and stares,
    Only his thoughts for company,
    He's lost,
    Soul searching,

    The knife now gripped within his hand,
    The hand that moves slowly toward his neck,
    His neck now bleeding,
    Bleeding from the motion of his own hand,

    He sits alone,
    He sits and dies,
    Not even his thoughts for company,
    He's found something,
    No more searching,

    He leaves behind his sorrow and pain,
    The pain that haunted his life,
    His life so short, so meaningless,
    Meaningless to others, not to him,

    He sits with his soul mate,
    He sits and smiles,
    Nothing but company,
    He's found his friend,
    The search is over.




    Submitted on 2005-12-04 09:54:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      aw... that is sooo sweet. a little disturbing but reall sweet. killed hinself to be with his soulmate... thats just beautiful!
    i did get a little annoyed with all the "he sits alone" could have found some better words to put in there. but i loved it... and thats saying something.
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by kiet aiden | [ Reply to This ]
      so you wrote about suicide, but this isn't all that bad.
    the repetativeness was trying to make a point and i liked how you linked each line with the last word above.
    i don't think of this as a bland peice, the topic has been made too meaningness, but you worked well with it. maybe it's a little too long. the first few stanza's didn't do much for me.
    i like the subtle changes in the odd stanzas. most people just skim through it and don't read it.
    there's really nothing wrong here.
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by denial | [ Reply to This ]
      yeah-nothing knock me over different--I mean if thats what ya were going for and it has a serious ring of a song in it big time---heavy metal-ish--I forget the band but they have a song called Stand Alone---not the same but eh.....anyway you could have kept this alot shorter as well...towards the end I found myself saying now what ---he's dead I know and yeah yeah I know the savior --his knife yeah yeah and no more thoughts =well duh---so what I mean is maybe cut some of it like the repetetive parts and be cut and dry about the whole thing cause thats exacxtly what it is --cut and dry....death
    lamemansterms
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      For some stupid reason it reminds me fo that dumb Green Day song 'Boulevard Of Broken Dreams.' I hate that song...

    It is kind of bland, and an over-done topic. C'mon, man! Make something nobody else can! It's in you somewhere, tap into it and find it already!

    P.s. Could you possibly send me the original? I'd like to see what changes you've made. (I'm wierd like that. Shoot me. *you pull out a semi automatic* NOT LITTERALLY!)

    Sammy (Because I'm NOT saying Happy Holidays again...)
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by Raven_TheWolf | [ Reply to This ]
      I dont really see anything extraordinary here. Not that all of my work is or anything like that but-nothing grabs me here. this is piece monotonously repetitive, and gives it no real appeal to me as a thinker or a reader. Thanks alot for the read though, and i encourage you to discover a little independent voice-keep writing
    key wester
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by Key Wester | [ Reply to This ]



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