Unsynchronized Beauty by angelfyre

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Submission Name: Unsynchronized Beauty dots

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Author:	angelfyre
ASL Info:	17/yes please/here
Elite Ratio:	4.07 - 254/238/76
Words:	128

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	227
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	770

Description:
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Unsynchronized Beauty dots

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Difficult times come from simple situations
A beautiful chord and you shed one tear
I cry eternally on the branches-now bare-for us...
for me
Can you not give me that one tear
Share with me that emotion, so strong
Let me evoke the same
Let me dampen your unknowing cheeks
Everyday I shed my skin
Rid myself of the past, for us...
for you(me)
All is silent
An unbearable quietness that haults my voice
I remember those days, under the tree, in the dark.
I let go, I cried, I fell deeper
Like a fool, I thought you would do the same
Understand, I do not want to control when I sing green.
I only want my soul to walk with me, smile with me, weep with me

Submitted on 2005-12-04 10:40:23 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I hate it when you give so much of yourself and let someone into that web covered brain and see the demons and horrors and weaknesses and then they do not reciprocate. [censored]s!

I loved this poem, very image ridden and nicely done.

IK
| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by Indigo Kid | [ Reply to This ]
  It was a beautiful write, but just a bit hard to find the ryhm at first. (pardon my spelling) But once you get deeper in you find it easy enough, I enjoyed it, and there are many words that you can give deeper meanings too that make it mean something new to almost every person, great versatil write. Keep it up Kris! ^-^
| Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by Lady Almira | [ Reply to This ]
  'Difficult times come from simple situations'

(just one word, taken the wrong way, or misunderstood from the same standpoint can lead to things we rather die then begin)

'A beautiful chord and you shed one tear'

(many songs can work different magics on different people, movie scenes do that to me too, basically when I tear up it comes from a thought and emotion from a certain time that is re exposed after I hear or see something)

'I cry eternally on the branches-now bare-for us...
for me
Can you not give me that one tear
Share with me that emotion, so strong
Let me evoke the same
Let me dampen your unknowing cheeks'

(same situationial problem, everything she see's with the naked eye or lack there of, means so much more than what she knows in her heart is true, basically, therefore she wants to conjure that exact amount of emotion that he is recieving from something else, when he probably actually recieves more from her than any of that other stuff could ever provide.)

'Everyday I shed my skin
Rid myself of the past, for us...
for you(me)
All is silent
An unbearable quietness that haults my voice
I remember those days, under the tree, in the dark.
I let go, I cried, I fell deeper
Like a fool, I thought you would do the same
Understand, I do not want to control when I sing green.
I only want my soul to walk with me, smile with me, weep with me'

(this is an example of the of the main voice wanting her mate to breathe when she breathes or basically, live when she lives..crying when there should be crying, intensity when there absolutely must be all of the above, and when there is not enough or basically not even a shred of the stuff, the main speaker feels completely empty, apart from the moment in the end, cause it seems as though the other person is aswell...that might not be the case...but maybe that other person is not the same in that way, or needed alot to be broken from some antisocial scheme of self destruction..maybe..not sure though)

a phenominal write, sis...I am always amazed by you, always.
| Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by Reckoner | [ Reply to This ]
  dang, great writing here, you got amazing talent, your just getting better and better, keep it up Kris

no advice needed, great work

Jamie
| Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by flylikeaword | [ Reply to This ]
  Yep, I liked this, you have a few special moments in there that I really liked.

Heartfelt and sad, it tells its story rather tragically, and certainly plucks at the heartstrings.

The only thing I found was "quiteness" which I'm sure you meant as "quietness"

otherwise, very well done, and emotion-filled poem

be happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]

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