okay, so the little "title" box is pissing me off, because while i don't actually give things a formal title, its likely that i'll associate some song or lyric with whatever i've written, but the box has a character limit which i always exceed.
this title should be:
the quiet things that noone ever knows
see description. -------------------------------------------
A very simple piece with a rather simple message, and I loved it. The way you wrote it with space between each induvidual line was very innovative and showed that you think outside the box. I also really liked the way you put the title in the description because of proper restrictions. (Isn't it the title of a Brand New song though?)
That aside, I really enjoyed this and the feeling it showed. I'll be keeping up with your stuff.
I think this is a great piece. I agree with huntingjonathon on formatting. The way you put it doesn’t seem appealing at all. It leaves an impression of random words and truth is quite different. This is great short poem, which contains just one thought but very deep and powerful. In a way it is very sad piece. Sometimes people are not ready to go over certain boundaries, not even for love.
DUDE. THAT WAS GREAT. i was expecting this long boring poem. but it was real short and sweet, and above all it rang a couple bells. how much effort did this take? because its flawless. 5 on the rating thing (and i never rate.)
my main comment would be that i don't like the format. i think you could get your message across much better with a little different presentation. for example:
she says she'd much rather live a lie than not live at all.
& he screams, (but never says)
"i want to be the truth you live
but i'm not sure how far past logic i'm willing to go."
we all sometimes live a lie, whether it's the face we put on at work or school or with family. and it's those faces that make up our lives. There is no logic in this, but there it is. we all have to take that jump to get to where we are and where we want to be, which is being alive. I've had this conversation with myself. I like this. Alot.
Submission Name: see description.
