Description: bum bum bum why do my titles almost always consist of the last line?
sea of serenity -------------------------------------------
i dont want to laugh but i cant stand the thought of crying
laughter through tears is lovely
but right now i cant manage either
you look a little too amused at my rambling
and a little too sad that im leaving
im pretty much in the dark as always
but maybe thats because you hit the switch you idiot
dance to the sounds of twinkly lights
shining like the glow of sweet music
wind up the clocks
all is quiet
lets the ticks comfort you in the silence
jump into the river under the stars
shining so bright like night
swim beneath the trees
in the sea of serenity
It’s quite interesting poem. I liked it. It has some nice, vivid images, somehow strange and almost surreal. I loved the first stanza very much, maybe because these things you’re talking about are familiar. Laughter through tears is lovely, no matter how strange it seems, I know that for sure. “you look a little too amused at my rambling and a little too sad that im leaving”, been there, done that... I think this is a poem about leaving, going away, like moving to another city or going to collage. It is a very strange situation. It is sad, and hard to leave, but once when the trip starts, strange sense of peace overwhelms you (like your sea of serenity). Just my opinion...
I agree with fading, this is a poem full of imagery. But sadly it makes no sense. I have no idea what you are talking about, and maybe that is why you couldn't title it without using the last line. Find some direction and fill in the spaces, this poem has potential. LeAnna
First of all, this poem contained some great descriptions - very vivid. However, as I was reading through it, I felt that the transition into the second and third paragraphs are too sudden. In the beginning you gave me the feeling of an argument going on in a room, but by the end the focus of the poem drifted off to swimming in a river/ocean. Besides a few grammatical errors and the minor turbulance in the flow, this is a beautiful poem and I enjoyed reading it.
This is such a thoughtfull poem. I really enjoyed it. It has calms me down. I think that it's because the poem is very relaxing. I 'm not sure. Anyways, this was my favorite part . . . dance to the sounds of twinkly lights shining like the glow of sweet music wind up the clocks all is quiet lets the ticks comfort you in the silence
Submission Name: sea of serenity
