Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: sea of serenitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: namesdontmatter
    Elite Ratio:    3.06 - 62/89/29
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 758
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 680



    Description:
       bum bum bum why do my titles almost always consist of the last line?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssea of serenitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    i dont want to laugh but i cant stand the thought of crying
    laughter through tears is lovely
    but right now i cant manage either
    you look a little too amused at my rambling
    and a little too sad that im leaving
    im pretty much in the dark as always
    but maybe thats because you hit the switch you idiot

    dance to the sounds of twinkly lights
    shining like the glow of sweet music
    wind up the clocks
    all is quiet
    lets the ticks comfort you in the silence

    jump into the river under the stars
    shining so bright like night
    swim beneath the trees
    in the sea of serenity




    Submitted on 2005-12-04 13:15:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It’s quite interesting poem. I liked it. It has some nice, vivid images, somehow strange and almost surreal.
    I loved the first stanza very much, maybe because these things you’re talking about are familiar. Laughter through tears is lovely, no matter how strange it seems, I know that for sure. “you look a little too amused at my rambling
    and a little too sad that im leaving”, been there, done that...
    I think this is a poem about leaving, going away, like moving to another city or going to collage. It is a very strange situation. It is sad, and hard to leave, but once when the trip starts, strange sense of peace overwhelms you (like your sea of serenity).
    Just my opinion...
    | Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with fading, this is a poem full of imagery. But sadly it makes no sense. I have no idea what you are talking about, and maybe that is why you couldn't title it without using the last line. Find some direction and fill in the spaces, this poem has potential.
    LeAnna
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      First of all, this poem contained some great descriptions - very vivid. However, as I was reading through it, I felt that the transition into the second and third paragraphs are too sudden. In the beginning you gave me the feeling of an argument going on in a room, but by the end the focus of the poem drifted off to swimming in a river/ocean. Besides a few grammatical errors and the minor turbulance in the flow, this is a beautiful poem and I enjoyed reading it.
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by fading37embers | [ Reply to This ]
      This is such a thoughtfull poem. I really enjoyed it. It has calms me down. I think that it's because the poem is very relaxing. I 'm not sure. Anyways, this was my favorite part . . .
    dance to the sounds of twinkly lights
    shining like the glow of sweet music
    wind up the clocks
    all is quiet
    lets the ticks comfort you in the silence
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by UnPerfect | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    83291

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry