I too think that this piece is pretty complete. I wouldn't change any of the stanzas. I kinda get the vibe/image of a person coming back to a house that they used to live in back in the day. Since they moved out, it has been vacant and growing old. The person sees all this and starts to remember what happened there. If that was thing you're going for you could call this "Welcome Home". Just a suggestion. Good write though ~Aaron
Hmm...ok. I missed the whole "this isnt a room" part before. Guess that changes everything. It seems the house i was thinking of before was really a hollow heart/body(?) caused by another person. I think that the 2 added stanzas really make the hurt feelings you feel more apparent, but the other way makes it more to the reader to think about and decide what you're hinting at. I suppose you have to decide which way you want it more. Who gets to decide? ~Aaron P.S. "Welcome Home" might fit this one, but maybe something like "This Shell" could work.