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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: *not finished, need help!dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mixedemotions00
    ASL Info:    24/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    6.26 - 574/377/69
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1112
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 900



    Description:
       Check out "Welcome Home" for the finished version. THANKS!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots*not finished, need help!dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Coloured wallpaper fades
    Light evades the room
    Dust blankets all surfaces
    Grayness adds to the gloom

    No sign of life here
    Sound completely absent
    Nothing is breathing
    Warmth is nowhere present

    Love has been gone
    For quite a number of years,
    Pushed out of this shell
    By doubts and by fears.

    This isnít a room
    As you mightíve guessed
    This isnít a person-
    itís a leftover mess.

    When we first met,
    thought we never would part.
    Now the scars on my wrists
    match the ones on my heart.

    You used me, abused me,
    You smirked as I cried
    How can you wonder
    why I'm charred black inside?

    This is your fault
    Itís what you have done
    No one else to blame
    And no one has won.




    Submitted on 2004-04-24 22:19:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I too think that this piece is pretty complete. I wouldn't change any of the stanzas. I kinda get the vibe/image of a person coming back to a house that they used to live in back in the day. Since they moved out, it has been vacant and growing old. The person sees all this and starts to remember what happened there. If that was thing you're going for you could call this "Welcome Home". Just a suggestion. Good write though
    ~Aaron
    | Posted on 2004-04-24 00:00:00 | by MusingMinstrel | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm...ok. I missed the whole "this isnt a room" part before. Guess that changes everything. It seems the house i was thinking of before was really a hollow heart/body(?) caused by another person. I think that the 2 added stanzas really make the hurt feelings you feel more apparent, but the other way makes it more to the reader to think about and decide what you're hinting at. I suppose you have to decide which way you want it more. Who gets to decide?
    ~Aaron
    P.S. "Welcome Home" might fit this one, but maybe something like "This Shell" could work.
    | Posted on 2004-04-24 00:00:00 | by MusingMinstrel | [ Reply to This ]


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