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Arachnophobia


Author: Visionary
ASL Info:    15/male/NJ
Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 20 /26 /8
Words: 202
Class/Type: Poetry /Dark
Total Views: 878
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1251



Description:


comment whatever

a little dark number i just wrote. im tired of the lies and people not being themselves. or people only concerned with their own well being. Its just sick the lack of compassion that comes with modern life.


Arachnophobia





Tomorrow might as well be the distant past
When what transpires just won’t mean a thing
Each day mine as well be the last
An apocalyptic feast, the morrow may bring
Or a daily grind of deceit, woven by fear
The spider of truth is feeding tonight
Cocoons of death are soon to appear
The hungry arachnid kills in delight
The people consumed in their own webs of greed
Bones crunched blood spit high into the air
Gore showers down, a rain we so need
Bathed by the lies of our fellow man
Eaten by the spider, at long last eradicated
This beast has at last cleansed our land
Its bloodthirsty need is now capitulated
Now the monster will retreat to his cave
To rest and use our marrow as a toothpick
Wont be back if humans would behave
But if our fraud should once more become thick
The spiders stomach will rumble, fresh air will it breathe
To bring another storm of blood, to quench the lies
That will now in its stomach digest and seethe
Those with a façade will soon realize
The spider will soon be at their door
And Arachnophobia will they have forever more




Submitted on 2005-12-04 22:24:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This is an interesting poem and the use of the spider here is a good metaphor. People today just suck, plain and simple. We live in a selfish society and most people are only in it for themselves. It seems the longer humans are around, the worse it gets. I am a very compassionate and honest person, I was raised to be that way. I guess it has a lot to do with your upbringing and the morals that are taught to you from your parents. It is a shame the world isnt a better place, as it certainly could be. This poem is nicely written and expressed. Kinda icky as I am not a big fan of spiders but overall the message here is very well written. Good work. Take care.

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  It's me again - where was I? Oh yes . . . let's see . . .

'Now the monster will retreat to his cave
To rest and use our marrow as a toothpick'

I don't quite get the toothpick part - I think you could have done well without it. It seems kind of odd.

'Wont be back if humans would behave
But if our fraud should once more become thick
The spiders stomach will rumble, fresh air will it breathe'

This is gorgeous work, the wording, the flow, the warning that humanity's dishonest will lead to more death and destruction. I don't know why, bt the wording just fits so perfectly, it's so blunt and honestly said, yet strangely lyrical as well.


'To bring another storm of blood, to quench the lies
That will now in its stomach digest and seethe'

I love this part. The spider will digest our lies, it has cleaned up humanity, and is not happy about it, but given time the spider would not return. The lies would be broken down and down away with and there would be peace . . .

'Those with a façade will soon realize
The spider will soon be at their door
And Arachnophobia will they have forever more'

Good wording, again, and the last line really drives home the point of the entire piece.

I really hope whatevery bumpy road your on will smooth out in time.

Best of wishes,
The Starless Knight
| Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by Starless Knight | [ Reply to This ]
  i like how you read this one out to me and how you explained each part and i definitely liked the message from this piece.

The people consumed in their own webs of greed
Bones crunched blood spit high into the air
Gore showers down, a rain we so need
Bathed by the lies of our fellow man
Eaten by the spider, at long last eradicated


i loved that part. and it was pretty hard to pick a piece out of it too, cause it all had the certain flow to it. The last line was clever, and tied in the whole piece. original? very. the metaphors were ingenious. overall, i like when you read to me. : ) kudos.
**sandi**
| Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by Dimension_X | [ Reply to This ]
  O.K. - I'm gonna do this piece by piece!

'Tomorrow might as well be the distant past
When what transpires just won’t mean a thing'

I like that. I think the past really doesn't mean a thing, but the fact that if no one acctually means what they do or say, then the future is a void of life and meaning as the past is. The wording is catchy, and it just feels natural!

'Each day mine ((might?)) as well be the last'

I understand this, since nothing has any meaning, why bother continueing in the play that will just end and be forgotten anyway?

'An apocalyptic feast, the morrow may bring
Or a daily grind of deceit, woven by fear'

I think of a feast as nuturing and abundance, and the phrase 'apocalyptic feast' really is an exemplary bit of wording, as it seems to imply that the end of all life is good for the soul. The 'woven by fear' is good, it set's the scene for the spiders to come into the poem with a smooth transition.

'The spider of truth is feeding tonight
Cocoons of death are soon to appear'

I like this - I thought at first the spiders were dark and sneaky, weaving webs meant to catch unsuspecting victims, but the spider of truth seems glorious and beautiful. Also there is a certain blunt honesty about death, isn't there? A what you see is what you get deal, and death doesn't choose sides or play the meaningless little games that most humans play.

'The hungry arachnid kills in delight
The people consumed in their own webs of greed'

I'm not sure in delight was the best choice in imagery - I liked the honest of death/truth/the spider being impassive. I do, however, thuroughly approve of the entire next live, where people get comsumed by their own greed - beautiful work there.

'Bones crunched blood spit high into the air
Gore showers down, a rain we so need'
Beautiful! Really, we do need a wake up call, don't we? We hide from unpleasant things, shy away from things that might shatter our fragile illution of perfection in our own little worlds. :)

'Bathed by the lies of our fellow man
Eaten by the spider, at long last eradicated
This beast has at last cleansed our land
Its bloodthirsty need is now capitulated'

I do wish that sometimes some wonerful moster woul come along and clean up humanity, weeding out those tending for dishonesty and selfishness :)


Oh no - I have to go! I'll come back and finish tomorrow - sorry! Great work, really!
| Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by Starless Knight | [ Reply to This ]


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