i liked this piece personally, i don't think that you explained too much. i honestly don't know if i would know what you were talking about if you hadn't outlined the whole thing, though i'm a bit ashamed to admit it. i wonder why you classified it as a story though. it doesn't really fit any other classification does it? hmmmmm- is there and "anecdote" classification? the only suggestion i have would be to take out the word "those" on the third line. this just seems to make it flow better to me but its up to you. all in all, its cute. probably not an adjective you really want on a piece but what can i say? SASHA LYNN
Um short...i agree with rws theway that the tittle was there could have been an inkling of mystery less explanation more poem...oh yeah put on your nitpicking hat and come see some of my poems...please? -Claire
This is very cute and catchy! Nice title as well. Why don't you try to extend it, turn it into a description of all the things you see while , i don't know, taking a walk?
I wish you hadn't explained it so completely in the description, a little mystery for the sake of diverse interpretations can be a good thing. Other than that minor point, this is an enjoyable short work, very similar to how children might describe the images they see during a long (or even not so long) road trip. You might consider a series of these sort of poems as a catalogue of brief verbal definitions of unique physical events. Nicely done.
Very nice... any idea what you want to call it? Next time I see Starlings sitting on the wires I'll think of this poem. Well done but a name would add more imagination...
Submission Name: Wire Song
