[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Communiquedots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2778/1297/258
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1308
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 731

       We shall see. Merry Christmas.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    The tiny insistent
    chirp of crickets,
    time still unappeased;
    melts hell to linear
    solemnities, smiling
    somehow pleased.
    An endless collective
    book of days
    sought to speak,
    as dormant chimes
    lay fingering flame,
    logic devolved to heat.

    Forcefully imbedded
    sonic gems
    settled in the
    leaping like strays
    from half-formed auras
    of questionable

    We feast on those
    we fear subdue
    us, curse them
    for fallen stars,
    as prisms refract
    what might have
    been through the lens
    of what we are.

    Submitted on 2005-12-05 11:38:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I really liked this. You have a great style, that I must say is hard to find. It takes a while to weed through all the "junk" that people put on this site. But it's nice to find someone who knows how to write real poetry. I'm no genius myself when it comes to writing, but I can certainly appreciate a good poem when I read one. I'm still trying to understand this poem, but I love your word usage and the general flow of it. It's fast paced and full of imagery. Good job! I look forward to reading more from you when I get time.


    P.S. By the way, thank you for your comment on "The Sun Paces". Please feel free to comment on any of my other poems. I'd love to hear what you think!
    | Posted on 2007-07-12 00:00:00 | by CeruleanStorm | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautiful, so deep and philosophical and poetic. I love how you bring sounds into images in the lines:

    The tiny insistent
    chirp of crickets,

    And above all,

    Forcefully imbedded
    sonic gems
    settled in the
    leaping like strays
    from half-formed auras
    of questionable

    In these lines you yourself create ‘sonic gems’ . The first two verses of this poem are so sensual with their references to sound, sight and feel, as in:

    melts hell to linear

    dormant chimes
    lay fingering flame,

    It gives me a sense of this interconnectedness that you lead into in the final stanza when you describe how it is through ‘othering’ that we ourselves thrive, we are frustrated at our lots in’ time still unappeased;’
    so we blame others for ‘fallen stars’. This poem really resonates with me, its so clever.
    | Posted on 2006-02-16 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ]
      I have the feel of a shuffling conundrum as I walk through this. And if were guessing I would say you didn't even have a theme in mind when you wrote it...

    or did you? It has some memorable phrases and ideas but I could almost stay with a chordal construction if I squinted just right. If you are talking about the subtle communication we receive as poets, or that we send to our lover, or the gifts that inspire us as we dream, it hits the mark.

    But I am so abstract as to understand, and well you've just missed sending your message to a great many people. If that's what you desire, I'll make it a fave.


    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]

    " The tiny insistent
    chirp of crickets,
    time still unappeased"
    this is a great start. The 'sonic gems' sound of crickets is insistant, and the idea of time being unappeased gives the reader something on which to speculate.
    I enjoyed reading this for the sheer pleasure of the words…for eamapl, I like,
    ' fingering flam'

    'leaping like strays'

    ' prisms refract
    what might have

    the meaning is a bit ambiguous,( to me) but that is no bad thing…it engages the reader…and makes this one read the poem several times.
    good stuff
    food for thought
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW. This poem is simply amazing. The best part for me is this:
    "We feast on those
    we fear subdue
    us, curse them
    for fallen stars,
    as prisms refract
    what might have
    been through the lens
    of what we are."
    That in itself could work as its own little poem. I mean, the rest of your poem is good, VERY good actually, but rather heavy. The multilayed feeling of it does work well, and has a sort of dreamy feel to it, but the contrast between that and the last stanza (what a stanza it is, indeed!) is refreshing. I was intrigued by the line "time still unappeased". I thought maybe by that you meant that the chirping of crickets, kind of like the steady ticking of a watch, was a signifier of time, but not enough of one, and that some more action was needed other than the standard background noise crickets. Wow, does that make sense? It would be cool if you wrote back and told me what you meant by that line. holy wow, though. The first stanza as this feel of forced submission to me, of some sort of communication being attempted but failing. Dormant chimes, "sought to speak", etc: all evokes an orwellian sort of image.
    Hm, I should sleep now. veeery good poem though!
    | Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by Kristen Gudsnuk | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not sure what exactly it is about this peom that I like. It has a certain arbitrary aspect to it that I like very much. It has a very strange atmosphere that I didn't really understand the first time I read it.

    "The tiny insistent
    chirp of crickets,"

    Beginning with crickets emphasizes quiet. These couple of lines I found strangely calming. It gives reference to time, "time still unappeased" and "book of days" certainly adds to it in some way. Then something to do with fire that I still don't understand.

    There are a few references to glass ["sonic gems", "as prisms refract" and "been through the lens".] Aswell as to stars.

    It gives many fairly vague ideas of fate and possibility. It may not be for everyone, but I like it.
    I'll look into some of your other work. Anyway, I hope that's something you can work with.


    | Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by Mimosa | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Every..... written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Push written by JanePlane
    AI written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wavelength written by saartha
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]