Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

devil and me

Author: bloodied_angel
ASL Info:    15/Female/Oklahoma
Elite Ratio:    2.63 - 79 /119 /44
Words: 253
Class/Type: Joke /Gothic
Total Views: 1272
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1449


its a joke bear with me

devil and me

deep in the night the devil took flight
over the hills and green

but what did see but giggling me
hiding alone in the shire

"little girl with a smile may we chat for awile"
ask the devil so sweetly to me

i look at him with a saintly grin
i wonder if he remeberd

"why is it when i try to die i always come back again"
i asked to devil with a sign

"why my dear it is you, now i remeber
i sent you back last night"

"why yes sweet devil, lord of my life,
why have you, to, forsaken me"

"now my child if you can remeber,
you tried to take over hell"

"if that is why then why cant i
enter the gates of heven"

"thats simple my dear" he said with a tear
god doesn't wont being like us

"oh my dark prince, let us try this
we both with over take heaven"

agian with a tear, her turned with a snear
i dont really want it

we talked the whole night through
we talked of me and you

he said he was sorry he sent me away
and told me i could come back

he turned and walked away, and then i smiled wide
for now i will not live in heven i will rule hell

Submitted on 2005-12-05 14:16:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  This is so [censored] funny! me and my friends allways talk of how we are foing to over take the underworld and it appears as tho we have a little competition. This is definantly something to read if you want a laugh.
| Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by Di Re Rakord | [ Reply to This ]
  This was pretty cool, to be honest. I saw the raw humor in it, just to let you know, lol. Um, yeah I agree with Flamequill just a bit. Update the rhyme shceme just a little bit. I thought it was awesome so, yeah.
| Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  CREEPY I hate it! It's amateur to the extreme, my friend says it sounds exactly like a SoD song and I it reminds me of one of Mozarts Operas, which is real bad. Your lines are crap, your imagery sucks, but the overall plot is cool, really unique. Just fix the format and the rhyme scheme, in other words update this.

Oh and sry I'm being such an [censored], I'm usually really nice about this kinda stuff.
| Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by Flamequill | [ Reply to This ]
  LOL! I love it. ^_^ The idea of taking over Hell is definitly a fun one. Writing wise this was well done indeed. Your lines flowed very well and the meter was pretty good. In a couple of spots it seemed a little rough, but nothing too noticeable. Thanks for commenting on my latest untitled poem too! Caio.
| Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by BrokenAngel | [ Reply to This ]
  Really god! Funny, taking over hell might be a clever idea, its more people believing in the
(d)evil than go(o)d. And rules seem to be less important. Smart poem, I liked it very much.
| Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by lennox | [ Reply to This ]
  this is helarious and I really liked it. it's something that I could look back on and smile at. I hope to see more of these writes by you.
| Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by lost and alone | [ Reply to This ]
  ive heard of people tring world domination...hehehe
but hell domination thas funnie
why on earh would u want to rule hell?
wait a sec it would be like a huge gigantic torture chamber i see it
but dungons r wayyyyyyyyy cooler

Darkness of the Grim Draco
| Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by darkness | [ Reply to This ]
  This is creepy! Well written, but spooky. a conversation with the devil. I do not know if there is another meaning to it. You say it's a joke, do you mean the subject? Hope it is, that you do not whish to rule hell... besides the disturbing factor, I have to say it was great. i like the conversation, it brought it to life.

| Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by PinkFairy | [ Reply to This ]
  this could be a song ala bob dylan or something. great dialogue embedded into the read, nice choice. overall i liked this part very much-
but what did see but giggling me
hiding alone in the shire
| Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by childs | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?