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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: random is endearingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: on1eday.co.uk
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 887/402/54
    Words: 429
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1720
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3024



    Description:
       an old one;
    the first with editing diy:


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsrandom is endearingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    If you could be any flower
    in the whole world,
    which one would you be?



    this sent me,
    thinking
    of how the lemon yellow
    of that buttercup
    glowed under her face
    like the sun over fields of barley,

    how the colour in her cheeks;
    a natural rouge
    that was an outdoor heater
    on this sharp spring Sunday afternoon,
    could be like a poppy or pink tulip,

    how the piercing blue
    of her eyes;
    sometimes cold like the
    winter morning sky,
    sometimes metallic
    and iridescent with mystery,
    sometimes pastel,
    ultramarine and inviting,
    were just like violets,

    though they wilt in comparison


    I would be a Venus fly trap-


    I had not been given a breath of air
    to answer her question.


    -because the other flowers and plants
    would respect me.
    I look fierce on the outside
    and those that get too close
    get bitten.
    But those who dare to fly into my jaws
    would see what is inside.
    I would not eat the flies,
    but protect them like a child
    inside me.



    If you had one wish
    in the world,
    what would it be?



    I did not need a wish

    we were living out a
    fantasy
    with every minute that passed,
    but still I thought of us walking through the streets of Munich
    eating chestnuts in the cold of the Oktoberfest,
    drinking coffee with her in a patio cafe in Paris,
    laying with my head in her lap
    under the sun on the beaches of Cuba
    and
    just being here
    right now
    and


    I would wish to be a fairy.
    With huge wings.
    And a halo.
    And a magic wand with a star on.
    And a stunning long white dress
    all wrapped in voile.
    And glittering high-heeled shoes
    in white. Or silver.


    I would tap my heels and fly so high.
    I would look over my people
    I would make their one wish come true






    Do you prefer sex or chocolate?


    then there was silence as
    she curled the hair that covered her face
    between her thumb and index finger,


    I soooo love chocolate

    she looked at the ground
    between her knees,

    Do you think that people will ever be free?




    No one could ever be as free as she.




    Submitted on 2005-12-05 15:42:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, the whole poem, Wow. <3 I love it. I love your poems they are so beautifuly different. It's like the stitches of your poems are loose and some are tight. Just amazing.

    -because the other flowers and plants
    would respect me.
    I look fierce on the outside
    and those that get too close
    get bitten.
    But those who dare to fly into my jaws
    would see what is inside.
    I would not eat the flies,
    but protect them like a child
    inside me.


    If you had one wish
    in the world,
    what would it be?

    The comparison of the venus fly trap, beautiful. I really have no idea how to explain how amazing this peom is to me.
    | Posted on 2008-08-10 00:00:00 | by xxiknownowxx | [ Reply to This ]
      I read this one long ago. I think I even commented it, I cannot really remember.
    I think most of the meaning lies in the title. Random is endearing.
    U (well… the writer) are in love with this girl who is somehow illogical, or maybe I should say a bit into the “romanesque”. I cannot fine the accurate word in English. But somehow like someone who is into novel like adventures and expresses them by asking odd question that are unrelated to each other.

    I cannot help but imagining this young woman, licking a vanilla ice cream cone. I hate vanilla, dunno why I imagined vanilla. I also imagine her wearing something close to a schoolgirl’s outfit. I see her and not the one telling about her though. U managed to keep the reader so well focused on her.

    Somehow the image of Amélie Poulain just jumped into my head. I dunno if u saw the movie (le fabuleux destin d’Amélie Poulain), it is one of the rare good French movies, because the main character is endearing despite the mischief she does.

    I think I am rambling more than commenting.

    But as to the controversial “free” I don’t see how no one saw the relation! She asked a random question, just like the rest, only this time the answer is only what we hear in the writer’s mind, without having her answer as we did in the questions before.

    She is free because she does not care about what other will answer, she is free because she only cares to get her idea through. There is a bit of selfishness in her freedom, some sort of a self centered, inconsiderate freedom.

    All through the poem she spoke of herself, the questions were asked to give echo to her thoughts and to display the answers she gave later.
    The writer does not see that though, he is overwhelmed by this “glowing” girl, as if he were a mouse mesmerized by a snake that will lead him to his doom.
    He fantasized of how things would be between them, how he would like to go around the world with her. Somehow it is as if they lived each in their world but they were together because of some image the one filled for the other. (Now I want chestnuts! I love chestnuts! And now they are out of season! )

    The image of the violets wilting before her eyes, is a bit cliché but I think it proves the point that all people in love fall into a cliché somehow. Not one of the most attractive traits of the poem.

    I disagree with someone who said that it sounds like prose more than poetry. I think the tone is quite poetic. The breath in the piece is poetic, and u needn’t really use a certain style to say u r writing poetry.

    The poem is endearing, the girl is endearing if we see her through the writer’s eyes.

    I love reading u, u have that unbelievably simple style that sucks a reader in, shows a message real clear without saying it.
    The French adage works here I suppose “La simplicité fait la beauté” (simplicity creates beauty)

    Viviane
    | Posted on 2007-02-25 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think I'm reduced to thinking of nothing when I read this.

    It's just, everything and nothing at all. All those random things, exactly.

    I know I sound emotional or "endearing", but damn, this made me want to cry.

    This is the best thing I've read on this site so far. Granted I've only been here for a week, but I doubt I'll find something that I'll be able to compare to this.
    | Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by Sipthefallensky | [ Reply to This ]
      hey man, again i'm impressed. i love the form you used here, how all of your words are unspoken thoughts, and all of her thoughts are spoken word...it's a beautiful piece.
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      Whoa! I get it, on the first time through.
    That's not meant to be a swing at you, but perhaps on this point you and I just click. It's rather like writing a list of one hundred things about yourself, but it's not one hundred, and it's not about yourself, and it's not even a list, but, of course, random glimpses that all have been stroked with a magnet till they line up one way, polarized, to reveal the picture, perhaps like iron filings in an Etch-A-Sketch.
    Great work, take care,
    Dave
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      I LOVE THIS i love all your work. you have a way of bringing me to tears but god do i admire you for this skill. this pice was need i say brilliant. i love it all i must say that you are ab fab i know all im doing is praising but i truey cant help but do any thing else so once again you ae going on my favorits list best wishes my love

    xoxo
    that girl
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by sweet sorenity | [ Reply to This ]
      random indeed .. I am not yet sure what I think about this poem, after reading it a good couple of times I still don't really know. This could be a flower , although any flower , a very shifting flower and I can't really see its petals.

    In the start of the poem it seems to say allot about very little, like a story or simple prose it elaborates on one idea .. I kept thinking .. that I don't see the point in putting this in lines when it simply reads like prose. I can find very few poetic devices in here, .. free form does not mean no form ..although .. of course it would be going too far to say that this was no form .. it is getting fair close ..

    like this line ..



    I had not been given a breath of air
    to answer her question.


    ..you just answered the question before .. in the poem .. so it seems completely redundant and confusing to me ..

    ..what did I like ? .. well I did like most of what was italicised to me honest, and I think that this could stand as a poem by itself , much more expressively than what it is with the watered out prose in it .. as a prose piece it is rather good though. ..along with stanza 3, 4 and 11 ..

    I also enjoyed your dialogue on the chokolate, it was quite lovely ..although I again I was confused at how this made her free .. I mean it could be a statement by itself . ..but I don't really see how your poem leads on to that .. maybe we have differing definitions of freedom.. or maybe you are saying that no one is free from our unconscious inhibitions .. who knows .. I don't ..

    pardon my honestly .. harshness .. whatever you will call it .. it's not a bad write ..

    che che , ..

    Christian
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by x-ianhoyskolt | [ Reply to This ]
      I've seen this before I can't remember exactly what it was like but the redraft does seem to have added extra charm to it.
    I love the idea of testing to see if someone likes butter with a buttercup, and comparing lovers to flowers it seems both very naive and childish and a very traditional poetic convention.
    I get a really strong image of the person addressed in the lines:

    this sent me,
    thinking
    of how the lemon yellow
    of that buttercup
    glowed under her face
    like the sun over fields of barley,

    how the colour in her cheeks;
    a natural rouge
    that was an outdoor heater
    on this sharp spring Sunday afternoon,
    could be like a poppy or pink tulip,

    I absolutely love these lines because you manage to create a sharp, traditional image, especailly 'the sun over fields of barley,' which reminds me of folk music, which I really like,
    and relate to our everday reality by

    a natural rouge
    that was an outdoor heater

    I think these are my two favourites. I also love

    we were living out a
    fantasy
    with every minute that passed,
    but still I thought of us walking through the streets of Munich
    eating chestnuts in the cold of the Oktoberfest,
    drinking coffee with her in a patio cafe in Paris,
    laying with my head in her lap
    under the sun on the beaches of Cuba

    Speacenik
    | Posted on 2005-12-07 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ]
      I’ve seen this before but its just lovely, albeit, a little rambling. Like a walk through a Spring wood full of bluebells, not that you mention bluebells but your buttercup and violets have that natural woodland feel. There is a childlike innocence to the testing whether somebody likes butter by placing the buttercup beneath the face. The field image here is vivid and the poppy works well. The pink tulip introduces a Dutch feel that’s more cultivated than the previously mentioned flowers. I know it’s me misreading but I find myself thinking that the eyes and not the violets wilt in comparison. I would be tempted to go for repetition here. Nevertheless, it’s very romantic.

    Does the ‘I had not been given a breath of air to answer her question’ relate to the immediacy of your answer?

    It’s certainly a startling contrast and the sentiment expressed in the following lines is incredible but I think this could be stronger. The repetition sits awkwardly. Can I suggest?

    I look fierce on the outside
    and some who get too close
    get bitten.

    It can’t be all because you affirm that:

    But those who dare to fly into my jaws
    Would see what is inside
    I would not eat the flies,
    But protect them like a child

    Here I would change to

    ‘within.’ I know it sounds archaic and possible overly poetic but it cuts out the repetition and the softness of the tone would help the image.

    I like your romantic world tour blessed with food, drink and sunshine and as I look at this I can see that there is a sense of the changing seasons.

    Speacenik/Selina and I got into a discussion concerning whether the fairy image is a challenge to gender stereotyping and refers to the persona/your wish to be a fairy or as I think, the fairy image is a reply from her.

    When I first read this I remember being unsure about the abrupt change of subject.

    Do you prefer sex or chocolate?

    However, I rather like this now. It suggests a flow of consciousness that is quite charming. I really like the ‘I soooo love chocolate’ and the repetition in those last lines is great because it adds emphasis and I adore the last line. In spite of those couple of minor points I still think this is a definite fav if for nothing else the deeply romantic:
    No one could ever be as free as she.

    Please keep in touch,
    nessie
    | Posted on 2005-12-07 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
      there is a childlike, naive note to this piece despite its underlying grown up message of unrequited hopes and dreams. i find this anomaly oddly endearing - and for me at least this also underpins your choice of title.
    i have read enough of your work to know that you pick and choose your words carefully and the same cleverly unapparent discipline applies to where these carefully chosen words go. hence to me, their meaning is amplified because they have not been wasted.
    a conversation then; whether with oneself or another, that could have been entered into during playtime in the playground or in a coffee house over double espressos...
    the venus flytrap is an effective analogy you old softy: it screams 'get to know me; there's more to me than sharp criss-crossing spikes sticking out of my lips' - you know what i mean.
    and the tragedy of this, if tragedy is the right word is that life's like that. and it's not contrived. and this was probably what i like most about this - to be written down and for understanding to be had there has to be contrivance.
    you have hidden it well.
    you old hider you.
    take care mate,
    K

    (did you mean: 'like the poppy or a pink tulip'? - it would make more of that particular line.)
    | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is lovely. Very well written and expressed. Your feelings for her are very well conveyed throughout this write. It sounds like you really admire and respect this person. You have captured these moments in time that you shared together very well with your words. It almost sounds like it should be classified as love but then again too subtle to put my finger on. The randomness here really brings this poem to life and gives it wonderful character. I read this one a couple of times to feel its full effect and it truly is a lovely, elegant write. The imagery here is really nicely expressed. Filled my mind with pictures as I read this. Dont see anything I would change here. I think this is beautiful. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


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