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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: True to yourselfdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Vastmark
    ASL Info:    29/M/U.K
    Elite Ratio:    6.02 - 225/171/26
    Words: 50
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1580
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 321



    Description:
       Ok, thought i'd try a triolet as part of my trying to write better poetry thing. I may have got the theme wrong for this style of poem. The content is something I find my mind drawn to quite frequently. The title's a bit naff hopefully no more so than the read.

    edit 16/01/06:
    L6
    It doesn't matter as long as you hold true
    to
    Doesn't matter, if you hold true.

    All manner of comments please, I can take it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTrue to yourselfdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Do not betray or forget yourself
    Fate will try to tempt you,
    Stake your name on fame and wealth
    DO NOT betray or forget yourself!
    Walk within the shadows in stealth
    Doesn't matter, if you hold true.
    Do not betray or forget yourself
    Fate will try to tempt you.




    Submitted on 2005-12-05 16:17:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Not bad at all, a nice sentiment, too, as it's the only thing you can be REALLY sure of, how YOU feel.

    "It doesn’t matter, as long as you hold true."

    that's about all I'd tinker with, to keep the rhythm that's constant through the rest. maybe:

    "walk as long as you hold true" to re-inforce the statement.

    Nice to read, it sounds great aloud.

    well done

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I can not even begin to tell you how often I tell people not to forget themselves. Not to overlook themself. And to forever love themself. So many things in this world can make us overlook what we need within ourselves in order to properly fulfill the meaning of life.

    This was so great. I am glad to see someone that actually thinks as me.

    Alicia
    | Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      How right these words are! So much temptation and negative things in the world that tries to trap and get ahold, bring one down. But;
    Do Not Betray or Forget Yourself!
    One must be true to oneself...

    Smiles,,
    Linda
    | Posted on 2005-12-07 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a nice poem. Very awesome message this one contains! I couldnt agree more with what you have to say here. The only suggestion I have here, and it is just my opinion, is I think you have the phrase ' do not betray or forget yourself' overly used in this short poem. I would recommend you use it only once as the content here is so short in length. I would try to think of other lines to throw in here instead to mix it up a bit and avoid the repetition. But like I said, it is just my opinion. I do like what this poem says very much. It is a strong statement and one that everyone should follow. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-12-07 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good write
    To me you are saying Negativity will always try to find a way in
    Just make sure you are ready and waiting to knock it away
    Written very well
    Great Job!
    Ypur Friend
    Ron

    And Thank You for your recent comments
    I always enjoy hearing from you
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Do not betray or forget yourself
    Fate will try to tempt you.

    These are two great lines. I am not used to this style of poetry so I feel that my comments will not be useful here. I will say though, I did like it and it does make one think about its content.

    Monica
    | Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by mon28 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice...and a short but sweet read...i really love what this says and the way that you have conveyed it...and never a truer word spoken...im adding this to favs..stormy
    | Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]


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