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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Waitingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Suicidalchild51
    ASL Info:    17/f/wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.31 - 411/333/83
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 882
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 533



    Description:
       My friends Aunt just died, and after i cryed i was sitting on the bus and i thought of this.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWaitingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    4 seconds to fast,
    2 seconds to late,
    All we can do is wait,
    For death, one breath left.

    We are on earth to wait,
    For our time, for our fate,
    God makes us then takes,
    Wish we could create, our loves,

    Holding in the pain,
    Tears dropping like the rain,
    MAkeup stains in the pillowcase,
    Bleeding wrists and broken hearts.

    4 seconds to fast,
    2 seconds to late
    All we can do is wait
    For death one last breath.




    Submitted on 2005-12-05 20:09:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hey..this is good i really liked this one especially this part...

    4 seconds to fast,
    2 seconds to late
    All we can do is wait
    For death one last breath.

    i really liked it...loves it
    <3 kelly
    | Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by bleedinbabygrl8 | [ Reply to This ]
      good write but all thes poets are right for once. you shouldn't have reused the same staza. it's a good stanza but u coulda thought of something else. apply urself. u got it inside u. but it won't just write for u. you have to use that brain.
    | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with the others, you could have stretched out the piece more possibly without repeating the first stanza. The last line of each stanza seems to just be hanging out there and doesn't really connect to the rest of the piece, you might want to revise that. But it wasn't a bad poem at al, i did enjoy it.

    Peace,
    Jermaine.
    | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with My pain about using the same part twice.
    In fact, I agree with My Pain on all of it.
    I really enjoyed reading it, But the poem was going so well, you should have carried it on for a little longer..
    ~*~ XANA~*~
    | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by xana_jackson | [ Reply to This ]
      ok i didn't really like how you used the same stanza twice, i felt the poem needed more. i especially liked the forth stanza i felt i could picture it clearly in my mind, that stanza seems so true and makes me think of all the times i cry myself to sleep, and wish i was someone else.
    overall this was a nice poem to read i felt that it could have been a bit more in detail and depth.
    ++My Pain++
    | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by my pain | [ Reply to This ]


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