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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: This Is What Happens Next (pt. B)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kase
    ASL Info:    27, Winnipeg
    Elite Ratio:    2.45 - 169/398/234
    Words: 189
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1361
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1189



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThis Is What Happens Next (pt. B)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    the ray reflected sun shines on the angels who are rotten
    dont forget this is the place where everyone's forgotten
    the metal chains rust and leave rings of blood on slitten wrists
    as good as it got compared to this, this place now seems like bliss

    shadows stand on every corner though nothings there to cast them
    the heart stops beating, the mind stops thinking, and life begins to spasm
    withered feathers that fell from wings have been slowly etched to black
    hopefulness was all we had, but we'll never get that back

    at night the screams just intensify, and the sounds seem to get closer
    strong hearts have reached their limits, even love can develop ulsers
    cover your eyes and sheild your soul, because if not now, youre next
    those endless possibilities have now been torn to fractioned shreds

    our sense of right has turned to wrong and morals into garbage
    though morals are the base of good, everything seems tarnished
    ive seen people who cry blood, and angels chained to crying fixtures
    id gladly go to hell. heaven wasnt like this in the picture




    Submitted on 2005-12-05 21:34:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You asked me for this comment so I'll oblige but it may not be what you were hoping for.

    This piece makes me feel argumentative. Granted there is much that could be said about the way you have artistically used your language and phraseology to create aesthetically artistic imagery but that's not what gets to me about it. It's depressing, it sounds like the ramblings of someone who has given up in the face of overwhelming odds and is lamenting their lost positive attitude and gumption. I say buck up dude. there's a line in an AC DC song called "highway to hell" that goes "my friends are gonna be there too". Depend on it, heaven is basically a myth and though I'd perhaps like to go, life is what you make it. I still have high hopes for we can work together and make things better. In short, if this is not just a fiction you came up with and is an expression of your feelings about our situation i suggest an attitude revision. Sure there's a lot of hideously horrible in the awfully terrible but that's no reason to concede to the heinously horrendous as if it's already won. I'll see you in hell my frail. Even if there is no hope at least we can die with honor. Perhaps it will have aesthetic value in the long-run! Be our deliverance from evil so to speak.

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2014-07-10 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      
    I keep getting booted! Oye...some things around here don't change

    Anyhow, try this again...

    I was little confused as to the who - what and so forth but I'll be damned you if didn't cinched it up right tight like at the end eh!
    pun sold separately

    Very well written, yet so different from the ones I've already encountered. Nice!

    Hopelessness was all we had, but we'll never get it back.

    Again, I'm a little *green* with envy. Chilling, gut wrenching and oh so definite...so much sorrow.

    Yep

    Peace
    Kelly

    ps
    The first time around I did start with my fav shocked Holy Fricken Hannah!!!
    As in, I was thrown by your words.
    | Posted on 2014-05-12 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      wow.. i really liked this. wow... oh man the imangery well was very vivid too. yeah definately another one of my favs. ... lol... and everything seemed to flow pretty good and overall it seems to be just a well written piece... keep up the good work.. [i think you've gotten me intrigued... i'll definately be reading more into your piece..heheh]

    -m.m-
    | Posted on 2006-10-07 00:00:00 | by MidnightMelody | [ Reply to This ]
      you alwayse have exelent imagry. you are really good although i do like the other one better but i guess thats cuz the first thing you read of someone new is alwase the best to you ya know.

    xoxo
    that girl
    | Posted on 2005-12-07 00:00:00 | by sweet sorenity | [ Reply to This ]
      in the begining there was alot of good points.
    They were all well written & brought out. The emotions, raw..
    then at the end.
    It brought it all together.
    Making sense of everything. What it was, why it was that way.
    It explains the title also.
    You brought it all together with one sentance.
    Really well done.

    Going back & reading the piece after that really shed a new light on it also.
    The last part was my favorite- I think because I could see it more. Relate the feelings more.

    It was a well written piece. You did a good job
    ~jennifer
    | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow... this is... amazing. I think this is THE best thing I have read on this site. I really loved it. you have great imagery..and.. the whole concept of this is just.. wow. you did an awesome job. I like the first and last parts. I really love the ending. this is so wonderful yet so sad.. I've always thought it strange that something so beautiful could be filled with saddnes...
    | Posted on 2005-12-23 00:00:00 | by MyKemicalfailur | [ Reply to This ]


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