Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Alternate Personalitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: siroez
    ASL Info:    22/Male/WV
    Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 68/67/32
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Them
    Total Views: 214
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 981



    Description:
       its old. and its not good enough, but its here anyways...i think you all will understand this one.

    feedback is appriciated. if your read it, then critique it. i usually give back ;)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Alternate Personalitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    the alternate personality


    the meaning, is lost and irrelevant
    but survival, the only aim remaining
    inside my heart the only applicant
    is a young boy, suffering, decaning

    to avoid your throws of insecuirty
    towards my mind, as you spit them at me
    and remove everything, inlcluding my purity
    within these prison walls, i must believe

    in me.

    not you.

    but with every passing day
    i feel as if you will not alow me
    to believe, in myself as a source
    of energy, reliance, or the key

    to make it through one more night
    of your beatings and exhibition
    i must give up, and give into this fight
    this relentless and ungodly posistion

    so i will take this rusty old knife
    and carve unforgivingly in my hand
    the name of my body, the title of my life
    so that i can remember who i am




    Submitted on 2005-12-06 02:38:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm with Shadow on this one- that ending was very powerful and beautifully written. It ties the whole thing up nicely and really gets to the heart of the piece I think. I see a man trying to hold on to who he really is in a harsh situation in which it is easy to change, to lose oneself, to disconnect. Beautifully written.
    | Posted on 2008-06-16 00:00:00 | by Cloacina | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the wording and ending, there really dark and kool. But, the rhyming and rhythm of this do not work very well. Its hard to feel the flow and how the rhyme is supposed to go because the poem has no rhythm. But it is almost countered by the powerful wording, so good job with that.

    ~Kane~
    | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by Kane Martyr | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the wording in this poem. It is kinda scary, but it's good nonetheless.

    I like the part:

    so i will take this rusty old knife
    and carve unforgivingly in my hand
    the name of my body, the title of my life
    so that i can remember who i am

    That's cool.
    And, yeah, I get the picture.

    I hope to see more of your work!

    -Shadow
    | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by Lavender | [ Reply to This ]
      I am stunned, an old piece you say, still applies to this day. First off well written and displayed. Good quality there. Sometimes one reaches for the physical pain to deliever themselfes from the mental pain in that way it is like trading places giving up one pain for another. None the less it's still pain. At that a controll issue has been issued. This poetic view of life has a serious issue which keeps the reader interested. As to the result, you ended it in a way that fits the scene. I hope it is just a good write for it is at that a good write. If it's more keep in mind pain never settles the score. Obviously with your statements you certainly have proved that you are more. %*)

    Sincerly Gannondalf aka Big Bear
    | Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by Gannondalf | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.