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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Girl in the Snowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: onetruesmartass
    ASL Info:    30/F/Wa
    Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 934/791/77
    Words: 316
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 309
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2228



    Description:
       I know it's longer than I usually do, but it just kept coming. Hope you enjoy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Girl in the Snowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Walking down the street
    Cheeks pink from the cold,
    Sierra's eyes are alight
    With the warm Christmas glow.

    Holding Mama's hand
    Eye all the pretty gifts,
    She doesn't think there's anything
    They could've missed.

    Time to head home,
    All the gifts are bought.
    Sierra's ready for cookies
    And cocoa that's hot.

    But passing a doorway
    She can't help but stare.
    a little girl near her age
    With no coat to wear.

    Mama tugs her along
    It's starting to snow.
    All the way home,
    Sierra thinks about the girl she doesn't know.

    What would it be like
    She wondered in her warm home,
    To have no toys, blankets or clothes,
    To have no where to go?

    Christmas morning dawns
    Cold, bright and clear.
    Time for family and friends,
    Laughing and spreading cheer.

    Sierra got a new coat
    Of soft, supple leather.
    She couldn't stop herself from thinking
    Of the girl out in the snowy weather.

    Later that night,
    When all gifts are put away,
    Mama and Daddy relaxing
    After a fun but long day.

    A story on the news
    About a little body found in the snow.
    Sierra grabs Mama's hand
    Pleading " We've got to go!"

    She grabs her beloved new coat
    And Mama takes her to the place
    Where she first saw
    The tired little face.

    But she wasn't there.
    Sierra began to cry.
    It just isn't right
    Someone so young would die.

    She shuffles her feet
    Not yet ready to go.
    Clinging desperately
    To a small thread of hope.

    Suddenly Sierra see's her
    Coming down the street.
    She's got a hat, scarf and mittens
    And new shoes on her feet.

    Sierra lets Mama take her home,
    The little girl wearing her new coat.
    When Mama asked why, she said it was right
    To help the girl in the snow.




    Submitted on 2005-12-06 15:16:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This poem gave me goosebumps. It was so sweet, yet sad. Children can be so much more sympathetic than adults. What I liked the most is that you gave the little girl a name. I don't know why but I always shy away from giving characters in my poems names. This went straight to the heart.

    Beautifully done,
    Bon
    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW! Almost brought a tear to my eyes. This had heart in it and maybe if more people thought the way you do,the wourld would be a better place!
    Kelley
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      this is so sweet...you.ve portrayed the inoccene a child carries with them that most grown ups lose...they notice more than we think and realize such simple gestures make the world a better place...i love this and it makes me think of my daughter when she does sweet things for others...purps
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a lovely Christmas story. It really kept my interest and curiosity.

    It reminds of the story of the little match girl.

    The flow was a little akward her and there. particularly the last stana.

    I enjoyed this!! Great write Traci!

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      Through the eyes of the innocent babes...This was a heart touching piece and though the flow was off in a spot or too it still held enough compassion with it's charater Sierra so that it can be over looked...

    Sierra reminds me alot of my daughter Selina...big hearted and wanting to change the world. she is always inviting the neighborhood kids to our house for dinner or to do homework...lol

    anyhoo this was a perfect read for the giving season.

    Tina

    EGB
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good Christmas poem. I like the spirit of giving that Sierra has in this write. You tell the story well.. as if I were there witnessing it.

    Nice read. I enjoyed
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is sweet, but I found the last verse kinda confusing, or not fitting. probably just need to read it again. I like the story and all, just the last verse...i dont know. any ways, remember the reason for the season, and remember that poverty knows no season.~~tracy
    | Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by tmullins | [ Reply to This ]
      This was so very sweet! The spirit of Christmas is so very much alive in this wonderful write! I loved the rhyming and everything contained in this piece. Great write!

    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      I suppose this is good for what it is I mean that xmas thing and I'm not humbugging out here it's just that the faint rhyme got me kinda ladida-ing along and I knew what was going to happen after the first words about the girl in the snow--maybe I am expecting too much out of a xmas poem with a real good message btw but it has been done---almost every season on tv some family show has one of the kids do thuis exact thing--man I am being picky----hmm
    ok I thought the message was excellent and I do believe these days kids are more likely I think toi do this kind of a thing cause when I was a kid there wasnt a chance in hell I was giving up my jacket but I lived in Manhattan New York---- we were too busy watching our backs than to watch for someone needy or just unfortunate ya know...I suppose in a way we are progresing--I really can't think of anything else though that we are also progresing at as time goes by except building bigger weapons and stuff---shame
    lamemansterms
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      Sometimes we are so wrapped up in Christmas itself, that we forget what it is really all about. Christ-mas! The holiday of giving...This little girl in your poem had her heart in the right place and her actions made it come true for a child in need. Oh, if we could only see through the eyes of a child..Thank us for the reminder, dear!
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Travi I have a bit of deja vu, I'm sure I've commented on this one....positive! Hang on...maybe we were IMing when I read it....that must be it.

    Anyway, I loved it.

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      ok I don’t know but this one is rather creepy. let me try to figure out why, because the first two reads really got me.

    a little girl is walking it’s cold (obviously) nice pink cheeks you put in there. I like how her eyes are alight. ok they are out shopping eying gifts and whatnot. ok so they head home yet they pass a doorway and she sees a girl that is her age having (sadly) no coat to wear. as Sierra’s walks home she cant help but think of the girl without a coat. so Christmas morning arrive she get her gifts and everyone seems to be having a blast but little Sierra’s is still thinking about the unfortunate girl. ok now in the 10th stanza a girls body is found and Sierra’s mom rushes to stop her daughter from seeing that. ok so the next day they leave to find that unhappy face evidently the little coatless girl. now here is the thing: only Sierra sees the girl. question aren’t there two possibilities in this story. one the dead girl on the news isn’t that particular girl or it is that girl but she is a ghost. I don’t know maybe im reading too much into this. the only thing I find strange is that Sierra sees the girl but one doesn’t know whether the Mother sees her too. hence the eeriness of the write. very well done Traci,

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2005-12-07 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      The love of children. Pure, and unrestricted. I wish we sould have the littel ones teach the old ones. We would learn to share, play, help, and love. And there'd be no wars, just time-outs!

    Knowing my god-daughter like I do, this piece is even more heart-warming.

    You have captured an important message and a beautiful moment here, Traci. I love it!

    Chell
    | Posted on 2005-12-07 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      Outstanding job and one of the most tender things I have ever read on this site.

    to think of it this is the most tender thing I have ever seeen from you.

    Are we starting a new trend?




    The flow in this was wonderful
    easy on the eyes and it gives the reader alot to think about.
    There is not many adults that would have this kind of feeling or would think to do this for somebody that they do not know.

    Again outstanding

    ~shawn
    | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      Absolutely spectacular story! Heartfelt, tender, loving. It was all working.

    One typo:
    "To have on where to go?"
    Of course, nowhere

    If I were to change anything, it would be to shorten a couple of the longer lines, although it's tough to preserve the rhymes. The only other thing might be to pull the name Sierra out a bit.

    Great tale.

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      Awww...now I will have to write Sierras name in the snow as well. Man, thats gonna be a lot of drinkin'
    *burp, hic*
    But I'z can do it!


    This was a nice little story and the rhythm was perdy dern good too! Just a warming winter write Traci...very nice!
    | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]



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