Description: I wrote this just after waking up and even though it isn't as detailed as I like I still think it has a good meter, and it does express the basic idea....give me some feed back so I can improve this piece please!
Can't Seem to Listen, -------------------------------------------
My eyes are wandering
My mind can't seem to stay
I listen to the murmurs
Even as I push them away
Someone’s talking to me now
I know I should listen
But somehow it just doesn’t
Seem to catch my attention
I can’t seem to care
Even though I should
The voices grow louder
Wanting me to listen if I would
They want to remind me
Bring the past to the front
Trying to win this battle
Without so much as a grunt
I don’t want to listen
I won’t let them win
I refuse to even think about it
Even in the deafening din
I won’t let go of the hope I have
I won’t let go of my dreams
Nothing in the past could ever
be half as bad as it once seemed
Now that I have broken free
I won’t go back I can’t
I don’t care for it at all
No matter what anyone meant
I agree with Naymless. You might want to steer away from the rhymes in this piece. I did think you had an excellent point though. Just pushing forward without letting anyone bring you back down! It's awesome cause I don't think I have read any poems on here about that. Maybe you should just re-word it a bit & try not to concentrate on the rhyming. Overall I liked it & I'm very picky so you should be happy :) Keep on writing! Take care, Steph
I don't much care for poems that rhythm, but the rhyming in this one calls forth rhythm which is never a bad thing; but still I stay away from it, it kinda holds the writer back from expressing their true feelings. But anyways the poem has a solid plot, which is something even published writers can't seem to do. All in all it was a pretty damn good poem, I'd give it an 8.0 out of 10. Remember rhyming can be good but it becomes a burden at times.
"Someone’s talking to me now I know I should listen But somehow it just doesn’t Seem to catch my attention" i liked that stanza.
"I refuse to even think about it Even in the deafening din" right there, i think i'd take out the first even so that its, "i refuse to think about it" merely because the two even's dont sound right.
this was good, but i think perhaps you should concentrate less on structure, & more on content.
Submission Name: Can't Seem to Listen,
