First Kiss by kellz

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Submission Name: First Kiss dots

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Author:	kellz
ASL Info:	25/F/England
Elite Ratio:	2.97 - 122/148/49
Words:	122

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	400
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	746

Description:
Do you remember your first kiss i do i was 11 and it was with a boy called Jamie and he was 14

First Kiss dots

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You leaned over and you kissed me
I felt my knees go weak

I couldn't even speak
You leaned over and you kissed me
With a passion flowing free

Sparks flew that we could see
You leaned over and you kissed me
A touch so soft and tender

A kiss I would remember
You leaned over and you kissed me
I'm sure I kissed you back

With the fire no kiss should lack
You leaned over and you kissed me
You left me wanting more

My soul you did explore
You leaned over and you kissed me
My heart no longer full of pain
You leaned over and you kissed me
Darling, kiss me once again

Submitted on 2004-04-25 06:13:06 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  When i first looked at this poem, i saw the repitition and i thought "oh no this will do my head in..." HOWever much to my suprise and relief i found myself enjoying the repitition as each line after rhymed beautifully, i didnt feel it was forced and was creative, and the ending "Darling, kiss me once again" wrapped it up nicely. Nice read
| Posted on 2004-04-25 00:00:00 | by Watchman | [ Reply to This ]
  I have to agree as well. The repitition put you off to start with but then, at the end, you're left thinking that you couldn't do without it. It was a very nice write, well done.
| Posted on 2004-04-25 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm not so happy about the repetition as the others. I think it's not necessary cause I only read 'You leaned over and you kissed me' once when I read the first line and left it out then and it worked very well. just cut it out all the other times you don't need it. I'm sure it's a good poem without every secound line the same.
| Posted on 2004-04-25 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
  it works, but it depends on the presenter or reader ,this sounds like an out loud spoken word poem,
i am not the every ear,my first kiss,i s a special
point to get across,have you played with the different ways to make this point,as far as repitition is concerned ie;every other,or different points you know best it was your first and that repitition represents how important and passionate that moment was to you

by the way did i say thanx for the flashbacks think i feel like makeing out ,this peice is a perfect spring thing
nice timeing or body cemistry.
| Posted on 2004-04-25 00:00:00 | by paulie d | [ Reply to This ]

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