Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sun`s obscuritydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: vitoko
    ASL Info:    24/M/ Peru
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 689/442/104
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Prose/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 189
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 666



    Description:
       it is the first one i wrote today... i wrote two writing .. they are related to John Winston Lennon.... because i love his musik and his thoughts or believess.

    s i hope u like it !
    and enjoy it !


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSun`s obscuritydots
    -------------------------------------------


    The sun is black
    The world is falling down
    The mon is getting so far
    Where is the world going to ?

    Creatures walking around
    And seeing anything
    Humanity died with one illusion,
    “Sun shines one more time”.

    Their god will never hear their voice
    What did they do to save their world?
    Just having sex and killing each other
    They didnt care about their future

    Love was never there, here
    Now, humanity is just dust
    And the world will find another place,
    Where others creatures will live,
    They wont do anything
    To kill their sun!




    Submitted on 2005-12-06 16:59:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This captured a little lennon...(cool inspiration by the way) but I have to agree it's more
    hippy-ish era. This one didn't really have a flow...and there ware a few spelling errors but that's not much of a problem...I liked what you were getting at here...I think if you went a little farther into it. good effort hun. keep writing.
    peace and love.
    | Posted on 2005-12-07 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      I do have to agree with Key Wester on this one poem. Your first one was very good but I don't get this one.

    You do have some spelling errors but that is the least of the problems here.

    Now i sense that you might be talking about the 60's and 70's because that was the love generation. Sex, drugs and Rock n Roll. and veitnam.
    I can see you trying to connect this to that but you kind of missed the mark.
    John Lennon tried to speak through his music about peace during this time. He was rare because he would have been a very good environmentalist today.
    I don't want to deter you from writing anymore and hopefully you take no offense at these comments.
    When you do write a poem try using spell checker for mistakes.


    Respect and Admiration

    Clyde
    | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. Absurdity-is that the common theme of this piece? I hate to be so trying with my comments/critiques...but i really don't think this even makes any sense. A couple of minor errors and such. I think its cool you're into Lennon, he's the [censored]. but i just don't know about these two poems buddy- thanks for the read anyhow

    key wester
    | Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by Key Wester | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    83553



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry