Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Improvisationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 62
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1105
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 297



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsImprovisationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    When I first saw you
    it was like kissing fire.
    My whole life turned to dust.
    My eyes were raw from your gaze.
    There is something in me you create:
    there is something you destroy.
    I feel as original
    as the first cell of life.




    Submitted on 2004-01-16 11:45:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this poem as it is. I think it takes great skill to make a great short poem and I feel you have done that time and again. Sometimes statements that are common work wonderfully, especially when they are linked to a more original thought or way of using them - as in the first two lines. "it was like kissing fire" may not be that original of a line, but when it's used to describe how you felt when you first saw someone (vision, not touch), I think it creates a different kind of originality.

    I also like these lines....

    "my eyes were raw from your gaze"
    "I feel as original as the first cell of life" (my personal favorite)
    What a great way to end the poem.
    | Posted on 2004-01-18 00:00:00 | by kblyric | [ Reply to This ]
      "kissing fire" i believe is the best phrase, gives such a great image.
    | Posted on 2004-01-16 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    836

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Cover written by saartha
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The World written by jjd
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Love written by saartha
    Carry written by saartha
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry