SLEEPING by L.L.COLLINS

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Submission Name: SLEEPING dots

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Author:	L.L.COLLINS
ASL Info:	25-ORLANDO, FL
Elite Ratio:	4.6 - 167/144/32
Words:	104

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	188
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	739

Description:
This is poem is supposed to be about feeling the pain of everybody instead of just you. Imagine if every time it rained it rained on you. Imagine if Prince charming never came to kiss your sleeping beauty

SLEEPING dots

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The pieces of a broken heart
fly by in the wind,
thickening the breezy hands,
slapping my skin.
Until I'm motionless
and unable to climb through,
the blood-spilled nothing-ness
translucent to view.
The posion tears rain fear
from the sky
while the cotton clouds
suck the pure waters dry,
and love rips away from us
like an earthquake,
snatching back the mirth
to go with yestarday.
The lips of rapture
cry out like a siren,
screeching in anquish
until the killer end,
while perfect soul mates
give up and break up
letting beauty sleep
and never wake up.

Submitted on 2005-12-07 17:41:44 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I really loved this one. It it written so well. Every line was beautiful, and the ending was perfect. I've imagined before what it would feel like to feel the pain of the world, and I've come to the conclusion that I would never want to feel that. There's a lot of pain and hurt out there.
Great idea. I've never come across a poem like this before, so it's very original to me.

~Piper
| Posted on 2006-11-21 00:00:00 | by PiperH | [ Reply to This ]
  where's my prince charming? I wonder that every [censored] day. where is he, does he even exist. i doubt it cause life is not a fairy tale. you know sometimes i wonder if the point of this life is to suffer as much as possible. Maybe its just me but life seems pretty [censored]ty most days. how about you. not to sound so depressing but really. where is my saving grace?~Ashley~
| Posted on 2006-11-06 00:00:00 | by redeemer | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a good write that describes the pain one feels in a relationship
In this relationship I can feel that the pain is more then normal and has torn apart two loving people
The rhyme to me sounded a little off at times but I did enjoy the message
God Bless
Ron
| Posted on 2006-04-02 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow. That is gorgeous. And you think MY stuff is good? I'm fascinated. I love this. The wording and the imagery are excellent. I was impressed by the way it flowed too. I hate when lines don't seem to fit right (which mine often don't lol). Anywho, I really like this. You have a lot of talent and it really shows. There's nothing I can critique. Great job

-nikkki
| Posted on 2005-12-21 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
  i really like the title of this poem because it brings a certain calm about the poem, it was totally misleading though, your imagery "The lips of rapture
cry out like a siren,
screeching in anquish
until the killer end," was absolutly and completely unsettling and it makes us realise that after blood has been spilled, she is dead, but then you go on to end it again so calmly with "letting beauty sleep
and never wake up." as though she were under a spell and not dead at all.. theres so much more i want to talk about... but id only be telling u what u already know. great work!
*thoughts*
| Posted on 2005-12-07 00:00:00 | by thoughts | [ Reply to This ]
  This was cool...the title adds some really illusion of secruity and peace...some of the lines are beaufily haunting...errie. good write...there's alot I could say about this one but you know that seeing as you wrote it...keep writing;0)
peace
| Posted on 2005-12-21 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]

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