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Author: Visionary
ASL Info:    15/male/NJ
Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 20 /26 /8
Words: 224
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 880
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1529


FUBAR means fucked up beyond all recognition. The form and varying rhyme schemes and metaphors are FUBAR, as is the message and life itself. But i definatley think it is saying something, so tell me what you think of the writing and what it tells you.

Inspired by jim morrison in the begining, then the ideas just flew.

edited by deleting the end because it was way out place...


A shower of disease
The hero’s on his knees
An hour of defeat
Knocked right off his feet
Trapped in our own minds
Failures by design

We’re all refugees from the moment we crawl out
Into the burning sun from our mothers cave
Free from the shelter, but not from the doubt
From Darwin’s theory no ones saved
But it’s the brave who do fall first
Because they scurry to the peak
To quench their spirits thirst
To find what they must seek
But the climber loses care
Pitfalling to the ground
Rushing through the air
The real legends wont make a sound
And will be gone and thus disbanding
Ones quest for understanding

Survivalists jump ahead
But soon they’ll all be dead
Bubonic on their skin
It’s the plague that wins
An epidemic of self desire
A holocaust of the admirer

When the missles dash the sky
Who will you remember?
The one who cowers and cries
Or the one who fights and dies
Defiance is an institution
Compliance is like prostitution
No dignity left
Virginity’s theft

The tide is crawling up
The waves foam into skyscrapers now
It feels quite abrupt
People history will naturally disavow
Cling to the boardwalk in vain
Rebels marching to the sea
Dancing in the rain
in the rain.....

Submitted on 2005-12-07 21:23:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  This is an interesting poem. I like it. I think it is creative and has a lot to say about mankind. It is true that the brave ones will die, as they have no fear to keep them in check with reality. The reference to being born and coming out of mom's womb is cleverly described here as well. I like the irratic rhyme scheme as well. Kinda leaves you guessing a bit and goes along well with the theme of the poem. The end of time is a scary thought. I have always said we are our own worst enemy and it might just be true indeed. Overall, this was enjoyable to read. Not a happy subject but you held my attention the whole read and I found this one to be insightful as to your thoughts. Nice work. Take care.

| Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  Firstly, because I like to get the nitpicking out of the way, you're missing a few apostrophes on " no one's ", " spirits' ", " One's ".

I particularly like this part:

'Who will you remember?
The one who cowers and cries
Or the one who fights and dies'

This has a distinct memorability and stands out from the rest of the poem due to it's exact rhythm. It seems to be the main message that you are trying to get across, but I can't really tell because the rest of it is a bit of a jumble to me. The main message that I'm getting from this is desperation and the fact that no matter which way we go about things, we will always ultimately fail and be our own destruction

As with the comment below (although not sure of the End Of Days reference) I'm not quite sure I liked this poem. In parts yes, but it became a little directionless at the end.

And the two lines:
'And death is the only beginning
Because it is the thing most unknown'
doesn't really make sense. I would understand if the poem had some kind of spiritual connotations but the piece seems completely themed around the finality of our destructive actions.

Incidently, did you know that snafu is another abbreviation born of the Second World War conflict and stands for 'Situation Normal. All F**ked Up'. Just read that in a book...
| Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by manintheshack | [ Reply to This ]
  You lii=ked to kill people in this one. The cave reference reminds me of something of Plato's. I believe it went a man looking through a fire in his cave can not see the light of day, or the openning of the cave, or something like that. The character seems to have a defeatist outlook If this is a nuclear M.A.D. situtation then maybe it is correct. But if it is the fall of civilization would the man not fight back, but he does not he is already a savage himself. The cave in reference to the womb was nice. I am undecided in my opinion of the poem. I am not personally the fan of the End of days. Thanks for posting.
| Posted on 2005-12-07 00:00:00 | by Aruemos | [ Reply to This ]

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