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    dots Submission Name: And I Can't Wait Foreverdots

    Author: kase
    ASL Info:    27, Winnipeg
    Elite Ratio:    2.45 - 169/398/234
    Words: 190
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1398
    Average Vote:    4.6667
    Bytes: 1220

       Based on a personal true story

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAnd I Can't Wait Foreverdots

    i had a dream, more like a vision. who knew men had intuition
    shes like my queen, strongly forbidden. which feels more like a deep incision
    my best friend, my fair lady. to win her over would need mass precision
    one more time, to make it right, can this be the right decision?

    remembering those specific moments, our telephones were overloaded
    by the ohms of bracelts golden, matching rings forever molded
    winter came as we lay unfolded, under blankets weakly woven
    her glazing eyes peer which leaves mine scolded, not to fear as hands bind holded

    eventually things came together, realized my life seemed better
    hearts were flying like a feather, forever. until winter came, our sweet december
    jealousy had got the better, glazing eyes into angry letters
    pulls and tugs left torn up sweaters, molded rings thrown out to rainy weather

    akwardness stares at our faces. now life seemed better in separation
    both paths now lead to different places. mine has taken me to insaneness
    those arguments would have never reached such escalation
    if only i had chose to wait. but love seemed so impatient

    Submitted on 2005-12-07 23:34:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I'm back!!!

    I once lost a woman because I accused her of being a cheating heart. One of the worst mistakes I ever made. I sank into depression afterward and still wish I had asked her to marry me instead. Ah hindsight, my intuitional insight failed me.

    | Posted on 2014-07-18 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      There's a rhythm to this that begs to be formatted differently, to emphasize how your head should be bobbing to this heavy beat and softly spoken verse. And I think that's about all I can say about this that needs to be said. Complex rhyming that doesn't derail with odd words to fit the scheme, you have succeeded in that.
    | Posted on 2014-05-23 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      I must say it. You are very gifted. Poetry is a fickle thing, as beauty is to the eye because truly what is good or bad, right from wrong when readings ones thoughts and emotions scream out from the page ? For who has the right to say nay or yay to any of it ? We all do, for it is an opinion of ones own intellect that tells them if they like it or not but here is the clincher...morally kind is not what most of us tend to be yet should!
    Help with grammar or critique is asked for is one thing but everyone of us is different.

    Long story short...my eyes see your beauty...period

    I cannot comment on this one yet...it is not a bookmark but a permanent fav. Just want to digest and process a bit more before I express.

    Peas & Carrots
    as that shits healthy
    | Posted on 2014-05-12 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice, it is very well told, your story of a love that should have never been to save the friendship.

    I know and feel your pain in getting it down on paper.
    Anyway great write.
    | Posted on 2014-04-10 00:00:00 | by PrettyHeart | [ Reply to This ]
      I absolutly love the way you write. You captured the stages of being in love to loves ending perfect. You bring out the feelings of it all so well.

    " had a dream, more like a vision. who knew men had intuition
    shes like my queen, strongly forbidden. which feels more like a deep incision"

    I love those lines.

    Nice Job Kase.

    | Posted on 2007-02-24 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]
      i know it took me a bit to get back to this, but i have come and read as you have asked and i find this piece delightfully intrigueing, a love and betrayal piece that is not overly sappy (as even some of mine do tend to be, i admit) there are a couple of rough places in the last 2 stanzas that just barely sqeak by and dont really have any true rhythm to them, or even a real slant rhyme.....which would be fine if it were free verse, but it throws me off becuase the rest of the piece is quite steady adn sure.....

    your subject isnt exactly a new concept, but becasue it is personal, it really doesnt matter because every person has a different take, a different reaction to each of life's situations, so kudos on that....

    i really think my favorite part is this:
    "remembering those specific moments, our telephones were overloaded
    by the ohms of bracelts golden, matching rings forever molded
    winter came as we lay unfolded, under blankets weakly woven"

    i wish i could have included the rest of the stanza but for some reason i dont care for the last line, just a personal thing....the reason i like that part though, is because of how simply it describes love, or what we see as love and the calm before the storm....my only question is this, should perhaps "unfolded" from that stanza be "enfolded"?

    either way, i wish you luck in the future, and healing for your past and want you to know that i really enjoyed reading this....

    | Posted on 2007-02-21 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this poem too. i believe that love is extremely impatient, especially for me. i can relate to it a lot, lost love is so heart breaking and sad, because at first you had such good intentions and everything was so fresh and beautiful. i really liked this one. hope to hear from you soon!

    | Posted on 2007-01-24 00:00:00 | by shayla8911 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is very well written. It reminds me of something. *ahem ahem* I can feel your pain.

    Anyway, great job. I really think you should make a novel out of this.
    | Posted on 2006-05-05 00:00:00 | by arianers | [ Reply to This ]
      aww this was bitter sweet,
    nice write, ive read a few of your poems now and they seem to get better and better.
    thanx for sharing
    x x x x
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by secret kisses | [ Reply to This ]
      ..."both paths now lead to different places"
    ... "but love seemed so impatient"

    Fantastic lines. I loved this. It made me sad - but thats a good thing. To have a piece of work stir up feelings in a stranger is definitely an achievement in my eyes! Really, well done. Loved it. Sugar x
    | Posted on 2005-12-10 00:00:00 | by Sugar | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. really wow. i cant wait to right with someone as talented as you altho your half will be sooo much better well any way this was a super good write and i know how horible break ups can be.

    that girl
    | Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by sweet sorenity | [ Reply to This ]

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