The way you arranged this is cool in itself. It really makes you think. It reminds me of my mothers "interesting" drunken escapades. Sad and depressing yet slightly amusing all in the same breath. As before I enjoyed you piece and don't let the world drive you crazy.
i had a hard time coming up with the meaning of this write, until i read your own post here, now i get it like TD i find this style extremely difficult to work with and find it no more difficult to critique - there really isnt much to comment on and between TD and manintheshack there is even less to say, other than that i agree with both of them and without your explaination i'd be really lost... anyways, nice job working with this form - i couldnt have done it PEACE and LOVE, greg
Greif drowns alcohol meant a pain strong enough to make a drunk man sober, As you love meaning this pain was from love With tears escaped meaning and you cry of hope destroyed meaning your hope for your relationship is lost
Destroyed hope means the tragedy of tears escaped of being heartbroken with? meaning not knowing if you are alone Love You meaning still in love As Alcohol Drowns Grief meaning you drink more
I was interested in this piece mostly because a while back there was a forum challenge on this form of poem. I tried a few backward/forward poems and all of mine really sucked. So first of all, good effort ! It is a lot harder than people might think - well, at least it was for me ;-)
I really liked the beginning lines of the first stanza and the ending lines of the second stanza - I thought they worked well. I especially liked the way it started out - it was kind of cool to read "Grief Drowns Alcohol" - it was an interesting take and would be a good concept/start for a different form of poem (ie grief that is so overwhelming that it drowns out alcohol - which usually drowns everything else).
I found though that the last 3 lines of the first stanza and the first 4 lines of the second stanza weren't quite as punchy or interesting. don't get me wrong - I liked the phrase "Escaped Tears", but then it kind of felt unfinished - it didn't quite work for me in reverse (eg, the "with?"). I think you have made a really good start with this very difficult form and I think if you played around with some lines you might be able to make it even better.
But then again, let's remember that I bombed out when I tried this form :) so feel free to ignore my suggestions.
Although I really have an aversion to poems this short , I feel I should comment because I did read the first stanza backwards before I even got onto the second one. What does this mean? Well, it means it was an interesting experiment, but it also means it did fail. I read the first stanza through backwards because it didn't mean anything to me in the order it was written. Because the first stanza didn't add any new meaning for me it may as well have not been there. And that would make it 12 words long and something I really wouldn't be able to critique...
Submission Name: Drowning Grief
