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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hopeless Devotiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Sugar
    ASL Info:    23/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.43 - 84/63/9
    Words: 249
    Class/Type: Misc/Love
    Total Views: 975
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1602



    Description:
       Just needed to get it off my chest - let me know what you think


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHopeless Devotiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    I stumble to the grubby mirror, blurry eyed and feeling dirty
    A girl stares back, looking absolutely revolted
    And I blush
    I crawl to my bed and hide under the covers
    I plan to stay here forever
    And cry

    I picture your face and a foul taste appears in my mouth,
    I picture your eyes Ė
    Blue-green pools brimming with life, lust and longing
    My heart begins to pound
    And my nerves start to feel a little irritated
    Suspicion and guilt creep under my blanket of shame
    Choking me
    I canít even find the right hiding place anymore

    I read your letters over and over and over again
    Romantic, passionate, destructive
    Becoming more bitter and veiled in recent months
    Promises concealing secrets,
    Secrets distorting lies
    The glittering future we had planned
    Has sank beneath the murky depths of my self pity

    The jealousy and panic make me sweat
    And I canít rest
    And I canít breathe
    And I canít find a suitable distraction anywhere
    And I love you
    It sounds so poisonous these days
    Our love is rotten,
    Gloriously miserable
    Deadly. Deathless

    You think I love you to punish you
    I think the same
    I think you love me out of pity
    You donít deny it
    You say Iím paranoid
    To the point of being crazy
    I say I love you
    Which is why I get so scared
    And by the look on your face
    I donít think youíll ever understandÖ




    Submitted on 2005-12-08 05:29:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very good poem. So much emotion in your words throughout this write and the feelings here are well expressed. Sounds like a very painful relationship. It is so hard when you love someone so much, yet nothing you do seems right. Nothing you say means anything to them and no matter how many times you say something they dont hear it. It is very frustrating and painful. You have captured this feeling well here. Very well written and expressed! Hopefully you shall move on to find a relationship filled more with happiness and understanding. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      hi this is a deep writing but I think it to jumbled. meaning the first part doest go very well with the second one. Try writing just 1 but there is missing informayion
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by DrewDilla | [ Reply to This ]
      "Love" This emotion can lift our spirits to the heavens in an instant and make our sould float on a silver lined cloud yet just as swiftly and if for no reason at all these same feelings can be ground from our soul as if they meant nothing at all... The problem is that this emotion makes us do things that we wouldnt usually do and if we are not fully ready for love and have doubts we have a tendancy to self-sabotage the things that we hold closet to our hearts all i can say is be aware of what you are feeling and communicate above all else as to know what you feel truly is bliss just as much as ignorance is bliss... I love the way you write, it is raw and truly from the heart i hope that not all your work stems from pain and i wish to you all the happiness in the world and hope that you find that special someone whom with each other you can absolutly appreciate this wonderful thing called love

    Timmy S. Edgar

    ps: Please try to take the time to read my poetry i think you may enjoy my work blessed be good tidings to you
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by Timmy S. Edgar | [ Reply to This ]
      i enjoyed ur poem. it was a great write and ur pain was expressed greatly. the lost and longing part kinda thru the flow i had when reading it. good job tho
    | Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by tomboy | [ Reply to This ]
      beautifully written pain.

    I can see nothing to improve, you did such a great job on this.
    the feelings so willlingly coming from each stanza.
    They really made me feel.

    'I read your letters over and over and over again
    Romantic, passionate, destructive
    Becoming more bitter and veiled in recent months
    Promises concealing secrets,
    Secrets distorting lies
    The glittering future we had planned
    Has sank beneath the murky depths of my self pity'

    that part was my favorite- i think becuase I can relate to it so well.
    This was a rant, yet so wonderfully written. You did a great job with it.
    The ending was well done. linguring on. The begining capturing my attention & everything in the middle kept it.
    take care
    ~jennifer
    | Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow...i love it, the way you described the feelings you have so detailed makes the words crawl slowly under your skin! And your use of images paints the words for me beautifully...

    And I love you
    It sounds so poisonous these days
    Our love is rotten,
    Gloriously miserable
    Deadly. Deathless

    these five lines really made me hold my breath, love can be so hard to see through these days, when the world is showing us preciously the opposite...write more thx
    | Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by caspian | [ Reply to This ]


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